In the last ten years or so, much work has been done in this new field of personal communication. Basically body language concerns the message a person sends to others, either consciously or unconsciously, by the movement or placement of various parts of the body.

Now it is realized that many actions of the body, previously considered of no real significance, play an important part in interpersonal communication. It is of great interest that many such actions are not made deliberately, and the persons seeing them do not realize that they are being influenced by them. But the message is transmitted nonetheless.

A typical example is a man talking to another person and standing back a little with his arms folded in front of his chest. He is subconsciously setting his arms as a barrier between him and the other person. By these actions he is saying, "I am thinking about it. I am not ready to make a commitment." His position is speculative.

The same man may later reach a point in the encounter when his attitude is no longer speculative but becomes positive. He will then drop his arms and tend to lean toward the other person. He is now making a commitment.

The other person sees these actions, and they combine with and emphasize the actual words the man is saying. However the other person is usually not consciously aware of noting the actions.

A friend once told us that just as he was getting into the checkout line at a grocery store, an attractive girl walked by him on her way to the produce section. She got in line directly behind him with one banana in her hand. He did not look at her until his food was being checked through.

He looked at the girl and said, "One banana?"

She shrugged her shoulders, not really giving an explanation, as she found herself on the spot.

Just then, the attractive checkout girl said, "Will that be all for you?"

He looked at the checkout girls and said, "No." Then, looking at the girl behind him, he picked up the banana, put it on the scale, and said, "Let me get that for you."

The checkout girl rang it into his total, and he paid the bill. The checkout girls were in stitches at the spontaneity of the event. The girl was stammering at such an unexpected gesture. Even a young woman back in line was watching and laughing with approval of someone being so friendly, witty, and original. At this point, our friend turned to accept the girl's thanks, then turned back to the checkout girl and gave her a smile, acknowledged the young woman's verbal appreciation of his gallantry, and finally, gathered his groceries to make a slow exit, so no one would think that he was trying to chase down the girl with the banana to put the hustle on her.

He got three girls' undivided attention and interest, and it cost him a total of 13 cents. A spontaneous action that told three girls that he is an interesting, clever person that they would like to meet.

Animate Your Listening

She can't read your mind, but she can read your face to get a clue of your reactions. Look at yourself in a mirror and imagine things that make you sad, happy, astonished, shocked. Exaggerate your expressions - try so hard that every facial muscle feels strained!

Experiment with every feeling you think may come up in a conversation - respect, admiration, sympathy. As you become more used to expressing your emotions this way, you will feel less as though you are overdoing it, and you will better convey your feelings.

This is my favorite! Just run this personal ad and edit it to fit your description. You will get a lot of replies!

Single male 1953 model, low mileage, high performance. Bumped a few times, but never wrecked. Proven ability to hug the road and not wander off course. Exterior in mint condition, warm, sentimental, sensitive interior, never soiled. Factory equipped entertainment package includes stereo, humor, depth, imagination and intelligence. Radio picks up all kinds of rock and jazz. Spacious seats with plenty of room for passenger...runs on high-octane fun and romance, lifetime supply included. Available for inspection by female drivers only, prefer 20-40 eye-catching exterior, self-confident, affectionate, warm, sincere with sense of humor and full set of tools. Come from close solid family, would like to have little Toyotas some day. Equipped with Marketing Degree. Only driven once a week by little old lady to/from church. To arrange test drive, please write. HAPPY MOTORING.

Your Courage Is Impressive

In the FIRST PHASE of a pick-up, you are trying to impress the girl. To help your confidence and understanding of what is happening, remember that the very fact you are picking her up is very impressive to the girl. Girls admire courage in a man. They like a take-charge guy. You are showing a lot of guts by defying convention and trying to pick her up.

She will also feel very flattered that you have gone to this trouble to meet her. She will be pleased and thrilled by your attention, although she may not feel it is proper to show her pleasure or offer you encouragement right away.

If I Ask a Woman to Dance and She Turns Me Down or If I Talk to a Woman and She Ignores Me, It's Because I'm Not Worthwhile or Good Enough For Her.

This irrational belief causes shy men to fear approaching a woman and produces low self-esteem when they are rejected. This fear of being rejected and turned down prevents shy men from making contact with single women.

If you're turned down for a dance, it doesn't mean that you're not worthwhile or not good enough for her. She just may not feel like dancing at the moment. She may just be tired. She may not even dance. There can be a number of reasons. So don't take it personally. However, what to do in a case like this is to use this pick up line to ask her, "Would you like to dance later?" If she says yes, just ask her again later. Even better, just ask her, "Well, can I join you for some conversation?" In the mean time just ask other women to dance.

Also, I might add, a lot of guys get turned down to dance, so don't feel that you're the only man in the world that happens to. It happens to all men, even real good-looking men.

EXAMPLE #2 - Alan was attracted to a girl that worked at a store that the often went to. From her name tag, he knew her name was Elise. At first he would just maintain eye contact and smile at her as she worked the cash register and made change for his purchases. Her manner was very positive, and he was sure that she was interested in him, but he avoided any long conversations. He was always friendly and positive towards her, but the lack of conversation or "come on" kept her guessing.

One day, knowing that the store closed in an hour, he walked up to the counter and said, "Listen, some friends are coming over for dinner at my house. Would you like to join us?"

I don't even know your name!" was the reply.

"My name is Alan. Will you join us?"

She was shocked that she hesitated, but only for an instant. He gave her directions to his house, and then went home to call some friends to see if they wanted to come to dinner, so that his story would have credibility to Elise. The dinner went well. They got to know each other, and began dating.

Alan did many things right: 1) He kept her guessing about whether he was ever going to ask her out. 2) He asked her to come to a casual get-together on the spur of the moment. If she declined, it wouldn't have been as embarrassing as if he asked her out on a real date. 3) The dinner was a very casual affair giving both of them an ideal opportunity to meet and talk with no pressure. 4) He was able to portray himself as a fun-loving, spontaneous person who enjoys having people over for an evening of friendly talk and good food.