Which women should you pursue? The answer is: The women that are interested in you. If a woman is not interested in you, then loving her from afar is not going to change that. Neither is calling her up every night asking her out, or being like a puppy dog, following her around, telling her how much you like her and that she is pretty. This kind of behavior is not what a woman is looking for in a man. Remember the eight elements. You aren't portraying an image of power. You aren't someone who is hard to get. Other women must not find you attractive, or you wouldn't be wasting your time with someone who treats you with disinterest. She doesn't need to use her powers of seduction on you. About the only thing you are to her is a pest.
The cardinal rule is: NEVER STAY ANYWHERE WHERE YOU'RE NOT APPRECIATED. If a girl is not interested, then that is that. Don't waste your time with people who aren't interested in you. Even if she looks like the girl of your dreams, it will lead nowhere if she's not interested. So move on to someone who is interested. By hanging around, you portray an image to her, and everyone else that you are a person who is found unattractive by women and worse - you are desperate.
What this all means is that, pursuing women who have shown an interest in you is going to increase your percent of success. It is, in fact, the only course of action that is going to lead to success. And that brings us to a very important skill that you have to develop. You must become perceptive enough to separate those women who are interested in you, from those who are not. This is a skill that is developed with a lot of practice and experience. Sometimes it is very difficult to recognize disinterest until you have experienced a girl who is interested in you. After all, most women try to spare men's feelings. People have to say no, and men often confuse politeness for interest. Believe us, if a woman is interested, she will make it very obvious. You will know for sure.
Here are some tactics to get the topless dancers to come to you so you can meet them:
1. See a dancer you are attracted to? Use your waitress to meet her. Write the following note on a piece of paper and have your waitress deliver it to her. "Hi, my name is_____, across the way in the blue sweater with brown hair and a mustache. I am attracted to you and would like to get to know you. Will you join me for a drink? I'll be disappointed if you don't. P.S. I'm not planning on buying any dances tonight, perhaps another night."
Does this work? You bet it does! Not 100% of the time, but if she comes over at least you know that you have captured her interest. It's up to you to capitalize on this opportunity.
2. If you see a dancer across the way that turns you on, motion for her to come over to your table and when she comes to you tell her this: "Hi you caught my eye earlier and I'd like to get to know you better. I don't plan on buying any dances tonight, but would you join me for a drink?" Always remember that if a dancer joins you for a drink you are not obligated to buy a dance from her.
Also, under no circumstances at any time are you obligated to buy a dancer a drink or a dance. But, if you don't at least buy them a drink, they won't spend much time with you normally and you've got to spend some time with them if you are going to get anywhere with them.
When doing research for my book on how to pick up women in nightclubs I interviewed women for this question: What Does it Take to Get You to Leave a Club with a Man?
Here are their answers:
Robin - "If I really get off to the guy and there's a lot of good vibrations between us."
Kerry - "I always take my car so I can drive over to a guy's apartment, if I like him."
Erika - "If he's good-looking, well-groomed, and has a good personality."
Valerie - "If I like him and he treats me like a lady, I'll leave with him. He must be a gentleman."
Paula - "I wouldn't leave a nightclub with a man unless I got to know him real well in the nightclub via conversation, dancing, etc."
Susan - "If he has what it takes! It depends. All men are different."
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Gail - "There is nothing in the world that could make me leave a nightclub with a man. If I wished to see the gentleman again and he wished to see me, perhaps we could exchange phone numbers, but definitely not the first night."
Debbie - "If I like the guy, I'll go home with him."
Erin - "I'll leave with him if he shows that he really likes me and not just using me."
Sandra - "To leave in separate cars."
Karen - "Trust. Either I have to know him for awhile or have a friend who says the guy is alright."
Kim - "If I like him a lot."
Things like: "You know, a lot of people might be offended by someone trying to make friends (NOTE: Do not use the words "pick-up") with a stranger in public. But really it is just like meeting someone at a party," and" I like to think of it as a self-introduction. And why not? If you are impressed or attracted by someone, why shouldn't you come forward and say so?"
And "I've been around this area quite a while and I've noticed that people are a lot more casual in their way of talking to people. I mean, things are more open now. I suppose it is the permissive society we hear so much about." You should memorize the gist of some of these “filler" lines, or others like them. You probably can think of plenty others yourself.
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A few good filler lines that give you at least a weak additional excuse for stopping the girl are:
"Well, I just like to meet new people."
"You know, this is a good opportunity to meet new people," (beach, sporting event, or any occasion).
"I just like to talk to interesting people." (Then tell her why she interests you.)
Women, like diamonds, are where you find them. The most obvious place for a man to go when he wants to meet a woman is out to a single's bar. But our observations have shown us that it is a particular type of woman looking for a particular type of man at the bar scene. We have found that if you are not the "macho" type, then your chance of success at a singles bar is probably not going to be very high.
So where do you go to meet women? Everywhere else:
At work - If you are in school and are looking for a part time or summer job, choose jobs where you'll be around a lot of women. The insurance industry hires almost 95% women. Restaurants hire a lot of women. You will run into a lot of women working at a grocery store.
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At school - Some academic majors attract many more women than other. Sociology, psychology, art, and the languages for example. A friend told us that since he was majoring in engineering. He never met girls at class, so each term he always took an easy course in psychology or sociology just to meet girls.
At play - Take up tennis, jogging, biking, golf, join a health club or a hiking club, and frequent the local pool. It makes no difference what it is, as long as women do it too. Someone told us that he joined an exercise class and the odds were 23 women to 3 men.
At the store - Grocery shopping, at the book store, at the library, at the department store. In other words, everywhere you go should become an opportunity to meet women.
Be open and ready for anything. No matter where you are at work, at school, at play, the store, be at your best and ready to meet someone. Even if you are not particularly interested in a girl, if she notices you, respond, smile, and say, "Hi." If nothing else, it is good practice. Go thru the routine of meeting her and responding to her. 1) She may have friends 2) It's good practice and after all, realistically, every girl is practice, and 3) It is important to get used to what it is like to be found attractive in order to develop the perception to read women's signals.
I hate to keep pounding this into your head, but I just can't stress to you enough how important it is to become her friend first, lover second. Don't act like a dog in heat like the other guys. Act like you're really interested in her and want to get to know her as a person.
Just remain cool and collected. The topless dancers can sense this and you gain their trust and they feel relaxed and comfortable around you. There's a major advantage to becoming friends with the dancers. Guess who her friends are? Yes, other topless dancers. By becoming her friend she will introduce you as her friend to other topless dancers. Now, you are labeled as a friend instead of the other fools who throw all their hard-earned money away on dancers.
When I was writing my book on how to pick up women in nightclubs, I interviewed several women in nightclubs about what turned them on about men in clubs. Here was their answers:
Robin - "A neat dresser, nice-looking, a man that treats me with respect."
Kerry - "A very well-dressed man and has very good manners."
Erika - "Good-looking, a good dancer, dressed nice, and has good character."
Valerie - "A man that lets you know you are wanted. He tries his best to make you happy. He acts like a gentleman. Good dancer." Paula - "A shy, not too direct guy, but he knows what he's doing."
Susan - "A well-mannered, well-dressed man. A man that doesn't ask too many questions."
Gail - "One with a gentlemen's approach, perhaps to ask for a dance and then later offering to buy me a drink. Certainly not a man who has already had one to many."
Debbie - "Good-looking guy with a good personality."
Erin - "A sophisticated man with a lot of class and money."
Sandra - "A congenial man (no stud). He knows he's good-looking and doesn't have to fish for compliments. No fatty, I like a nice body."
Karen - "I like tall men and I like a couple of buttons unbuttoned on his shirt. Shape of man important - not fat, but not too skinny. I like a man with neat-looking hair, not too long or too short."
Kim - "A guy that likes to dance, a good conversationalist, and a neat dresser."
Nicole - "A guy that acts natural. He doesn't come on with a bunch of lines. He just acts like himself and doesn't try to put up a big front."
Barbara - "A good-looking man that's a sharp dresser. A plain-looking guy is OK too, if he has a pleasing personality."
Nancy - "Easy to get along with, physically attractive, and a good personality."
Natalie - "A guy that's real friendly with a warm personality. Personality more important than looks."
Gayle - "Someone with a pretty good personality. Someone that seems sincere and honest."
Peggy - "Nice-looking, can dance good, and intelligent."
Teresa - "A nice, friendly man. Talkative and shows interest in me and gives me a lot of attention. Looks aren't important."
You will probably have noticed that we are suggesting a lot of talking during the FIRST PHASE of "moving" situations (other than when requesting help). We believe this is best, since you are often in a tenuous situation. You have managed to stop the girl, but she may be uneasy, a bit embarrassed, and inclined to go on her way to prevent further embarrassment. However, as long as you keep talking, she feels compelled to remain and listen. Your talking has a soothing effect, and after a little while she will settle down and be more at ease. It is good for you to talk with a rambling style of sentence structure, inviting comments from her, and try to stimulate her to relate to what you are saying. This should be done after your opening line, but before you introduce yourself.
You cannot be a man of few words in this situation (not usually). You should be prepared to carry the initiative for a while. That is, keep it rolling. If you dry up after saying just a few words, there will be an awkward silence, and she will be gone. Words are the lubricant that keeps the FIRST PHASE of the pick-up operation rolling. You should have a good supply ready. Clichés are just fine for this purpose. Just about anything is O.K., but a good idea is to hover around the subject of justifying your pick-up attempt.