Many women defy the laws of gravity: they are easy to pick up and though to drop. This is especially the case of those with deep affection dependency (and therefore often smokers).
Often, it will take you a long time to make up your mind, to make the decision to leave her and then to put it into effect. However, once you have made up your mind, do not procrastinate. Most women have hard-wired psychological perception and they will know your loss of interest long before you actually allow it to show, all the more so once you have made the decision to part. Some may make a last chance attempt to keep you or try to exact vengeance. Expect anything!
So discretely plan ahead and leave them no time to react in an aggressive or desperate way. If need be, make a checklist of the items you will need to collect - you may not be given another chance! If you live separately, pick up the things you left at her place (not necessarily all at once but in a few moves), surreptitiously collect your home key if she's got a copy (or be ready to change your locks). If you live together, consider leaving her the home if possible. Have then a place ready where you can move at any time and live for a while. If not, be ready to be a gentleman and to cover the unexpected expenses she will inevitably meet. Don't ever, ever think of such brutal and rude actions such as locking her out or moving while she's away!! Be very aware that some of these actions move you past the no-return frontier!
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When you think you're ready - and at any cost before she finds out what's coming - explain your decision to her in a very clear, calm, unassertive way. Make it short. Don't be lured into giving an explanation, it will usually lead to misinterpretation and more agressiveness on her part. Just say she's not the woman of your life.
Don't feel guilty for what you're doing. Don't make her feel guilty either (refrain from saying such sententious things as "only a fool could love you", "you would make a bad mother/wife", "I never told you how stupid/ugly you are", "I wonder how I could fall in love with you", which will deeply harm her and make her want to strike back - and these statements also are double edged knives).
However, guilt is one of the weapons a woman is likely to use to keep you. "Knowing the trap is the first step in avoiding it" (Sun Tzu). If she manages to make you feel bad, know that it's probably a trick to bring you back (or maybe you have a genuine reason to feel bad!). If she threatens suicide to blackmail you, stay with her as long as you can, watch her, alert one of her friends to stay with her, but don't take your decision back. Never say you don't care, never claim she won't do it anyway (she may want to prove you wrong), never offer to move back (it makes you an instant looser and very likely to get the boot in the near future), just let her cool her temper, then leave.
Then comes the one thing you should always try to avoid: Sex. You can play it cool, have dinner in a restaurant (you pay) but having sex is definitely incoherent with your decision. It sends a very wrong message that all you loved was sex with her and she can still have you back this way. Or that you're just a pig concerned only with sex. What more, in a crazy attempt to keep you, a woman can "forget" her pill. Sure, you can always use condoms, but if you never did before with her, it will be as deep a sign of distrust and contempt as one can imagine (it makes her fall from girlfriend to hooker status).
Remember: These are difficult circumstances don't make them worse. Be a gentleman, it will make her less likely to strike you back (all the more since you may not see vengeance coming until it's too late). Maybe after a while you can be just friends again. Leaving someone is integral part of the love game; harming and messing up is not. Just think of how you would like to be treated for you will not always be the one who quits. Think also of your male counterparts: if you harm her unnecessarily, she may not be able or willing to find a new partner before long, and you could also find yourself having a hard time wooing a girl who has been messed up by her previous partner.
In a nutshell, be firm, be careful, be a gentleman.
Thomas (thomas.M@bigfoot.com)
