Enough of the "Eager to Please"

When you sense that the girl is becoming friendlier to you, it is time to change your approach. In a FIRST PHASE approach you may have had to grovel a bit to get to meet her. You said, "Excuse me." and "I hope you don't mind" etc. This may have been necessary. After all, you were intruding in her space. But now it is different: she has accepted your presence.

Now you should act in a more self-assured fashion. You should no longer act as if you were only eager to please her. You should now act as a man who is confident that the girl is (or will be) attracted to him, because he has something worthwhile to offer. And you now expect to deal with her on an equal basis. Your attitude should no longer be so apologetic, but more as if you were taking her approval for granted. Your speech style should reflect this:

Do not say, "Would you mind if I took your picture?" Say, "I would like to take your picture."

Do not say, “Would you come with me? I'd like to show you something." Say, "Come with me. I'd like to show you something."

Do not say, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but what do you think..." Say, "Tell me! What do you think?"

It is better to sound a bit selfish and demanding than apologetic and unsure.

A friend of ours had noticed a girl around town for some time. They had no common friends. She kept to herself. And it seemed he had no opportunity to meet her. Finally, he found out her name and phone number through extensive detective work. From what he could tell, she seemed to have similar interests as himself, and felt confident that, given a chance to meet, they would hit it off. He was also reasonable sure that she was discriminating enough not to go for any kind of a "come on." Out of the blue, he decided to take a shot and call her. His premise was that a friend had mentioned her as possible being a good tennis partner and would she like to play. He reasoned that playing tennis would be a good opportunity to meet and see if she was interested in him. Most importantly, it would allow him to get to know her without it looking like a "come on."

In this case, she didn't play tennis and his ploy bombed, but we still gave him an 'A' for imagination and effort.

Often, the situation you are in lends itself to meeting a woman. You work with her. You belong to the same health club. You are in the same class. All these situations require is the ability to simply walk up and say, "Hi." Be warm. Be friendly. Be confident. Above all, appear to be someone who is just a very friendly person and not someone who is on the make. She will remember you and your foot is in the door.

The important thing to remember is that every girl and situation is different. So use your creativity, and remember the two principles of meeting a woman: 1) You must be distinctive and different, and 2) You don't want to appear to be making a "come on."

Sometimes you will have to be spontaneous, so be open and ready for anything. No matter where you are - at work, at play, school, the store - be at your best and ready to meet someone.

A final point in this chapter to remember is something you do either before you meet a girl or before you first start dating her. That is, if you see someone that looks like she is interested and you want to meet her, or perhaps you already know her and you intend on dating her, and then find out as much as you can about her. Literally, you develop a dossier on her. How do you do this? You become a detective and search for clues. What kind of a car does she drive? Where does she work? Where does she live? What kind of clothes does she wear? Jewelry? What classes is she taking at school? Does she have an accent? Who are her friends? What sports does she play? Look in the back of her car for clues - a tennis racket, a book, anything.

Every shred of information you can gather increases your chances of success when the time comes to spend time with her. You can tailor your approach to her according to what you have learned. The types of dates you would go on, the things you would talk about, the image you would portray, everything would be affected by what you might learn about her.

Treat Her With Dignity

I know topless bars have a bad reputation and the girls get a bad rap. Some people think topless dancers are nothing but a bunch of whores and prostitutes. If this is what you think of these women, you had better change your attitude in a hurry. The dancers will pick up on your attitude by the way you treat them.

The vast majority of topless dancers you will run into are not prostitutes or whores. They are only dancers making a living by taking off their clothes. Don't hold it against her because she's trying to make a living by taking her clothes off in front of a bunch of lust-hungry horny men. They have bills to pay just like you. What I'm trying to say is treat these women with respect and dignity. Always be a perfect gentleman. Believe me, she will notice these little things and it will make a good impression on her. Even though they are a topless dancer, they still like to be treated as a lady and not as a piece of meat or as a sex object. They still have a lot of pride.

Always treat them as you would like to be treated. Don't ever be rude to her even if she gives you cause to be rude to her. If she makes any smart or rude comments towards you, just ignore it. You're not there to make enemies, you're there to make friends and turn that friendship into a love affair or sexual encounter.

If you treat a dancer like shit, she will never forget it. Plus, she may tell the other dancers what an asshole you are. Also, she may tell the bouncer and have your ass thrown out of the club. Always be on your best behavior and charm. It always pays off in the long run.

Here's the actual letter I used to write back the women that answered my national personal ads. This letter was very successful and I got a lot of positive responses with it. Modify it to fit your situation.

Dear Susan:

Thank you for answering my ad in "Globe Magazine." I really appreciated your lovely photo. On the basis of your "sweet" letter and photo, I've come to the conclusion that you are a very nice person and the type of woman I've been looking for. I sincerely hope we get a chance to meet, for I feel that a woman like you could make my life happy in many ways. My main goal in life at this time is to meet an unmarried and unattached woman who is sincerely interested in marriage to a one-woman man. I'm not concerned about your religion or economic status as these things are unimportant to me. What's important to me is your truthfulness, honesty, and loyalty. If married to me, you would not have to work if you didn't want to. However, if you did want to work I would prefer that you help me with my publishing business. All this would consist of would be filling orders for books during your leisure hours at home. Again, you would not be required to work because I have enough earning power and education for the both of us. If married to you, I will share all the wealth I've accumulated in the past and future on an equal basis. As my wife, lover and friend, everything is half yours and I'm a very unselfish person.

I'm white, single, educated, refined, generous, well-informed on all subjects, intelligent, good-looking, well-groomed, and have a good sense of humor. I know how to treat a lady and I know I could satisfy and fulfill your needs like you've never experienced before. I'm extremely affectionate and very romantic. I love candlelight dinners, fireplaces, holding hands, walking hand in hand along the beach at sunset, and bubble baths. Also, I love to shower the "woman in my life" with lots of kisses and tokens of affection such as flowers, cards, gifts, etc. I will accept you as you are and would not try to change you. I think it's very important for a woman to be "herself." I would want to expand your life and not try to suppress it in any manner. I'm not the jealous, domineering, and possessive type at all. If married to me you would remain independent and could pursue and enjoy all the activities that you enjoy. Also, if married to me you would know of my whereabouts and what I was doing at all times. I love traveling and take many long trips. As my wife you would become my traveling companion. I have been in 43 states and 26 foreign countries. There's nothing I wouldn't enjoy more than seeing interesting places with the woman I love.

I'm very modern man in all respects and very up-to-date with the times. I don't live in the past and live one day at a time with a positive outlook.

My leisure activities include mountain-climbing, canoeing, kayaking, fishing, camping, hiking, bowling, playing the organ and guitar, and all sports. Also, I enjoy eating out, good music of all kinds, live theatre, reading, going to movies, and good conversation.

I'm very mature and well-established and financially secure. You would never have to worry about money or financial security if married to me. Your physical looks are not of the utmost importance to me. I'm more interested in "inner beauty." I'll take a warm-hearted plain-looking woman any day over a pretty lady with a cold heart. I'll have to admit that it is nice to have a very beautiful woman to look at, but physical
beauty is an attribute that fades with age, giving way to wrinkles and added weight.

In case you're wondering why I answered your ad. Well it can be summed up in Johnny Lee's hit song, "Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places." In the past I've gone to nightclubs to meet the opposite sex. All I've gotten out of this is shallow relationships and the all too common, "one night stand." The women I meet don't seem to be interested in a meaningful relationship. They just want to play the field. I just can't handle all the game playing in clubs. That's why I wrote you. At least I know you're looking for a meaningful relationship and someone to love just as I am.

I am a very easygoing and easy to please. I also believe in sharing responsibilities on an equal basis. I love to cook. I'd share all the domestic chores with you and I'm no perfectionist when it comes to housecleaning.

I must be totally honest with you and tell you that I consider sex very important in marriage. I have a strong, passionate, and healthy sex drive. It would be important to me that you have a healthy attitude towards sex and have a desire to keep your man satisfied and fulfilled in this important area. Concerning children, if you desired to have children, that would be OK with me. If you didn't desire to have children that would be OK also. I'd be happy with you with or without children.

If you're still interested, Susan, I would like to hear from you again real soon. At the bottom of this letter you will find my home and business phone numbers. Feel free to call me anytime. Please tell me about yourself, the things you enjoy, your goals in life, and anything you have strong feelings about. This would be helpful to evaluate the things we have in common and if we could get along in a close relationship (marriage).

I have a lot to offer you as a husband, lover, and friend and if you're interested, I would like for us to meet and spend some time together to determine if we are compatible and if we could become deeply involved in a relationship. If this worked out favorably and we hit it off real well, I would favor us getting married soon. Being that distance separates us, it would be difficult to have a long courtship involving numerous trips and dates. A conventional courtship would definitely be out of the question.

So if you're disappointed and tired of what you've had up till now and want to settle down, and ready for a first-class man to come into your life and treat you like a Queen and fill your life with love and happiness, please write or call me without further delay. If you can recognize a truly sincere letter, then you'll know that this is "the real thing."

Small Talk

Usually, at this early stage of the encounter, you are engaged in small talk, and just about anything is O.K. so long as it flows. It is usually not a good idea to rush into a personal approach right after meeting the girl, particularly if she hasn't warmed to you. You do not know each other well enough yet. That is why small talk should be I used for a while as a transition. You should try to spend some time just chatting casually while you become better acquainted.

This is where feedback is important. The girl may show a warm response to you very early in the encounter. Then you can advance out of small talk and right into a more personal line of conversation. Of course compliments and small talk can be worked into the conversation again, at later times in the encounter, whenever it is appropriate to do so. But a word of warning: Don't engage in conversation for a long period of time, talking only small talk. The girl may find you boring. Your feedback should tell you when it is time to become more personal.

EXAMPLE - A friend was having a party, and the day before the party, he went to a neighborhood swimming pool to try to find some friends to let them know about it. While there, he sat down to talk to someone he knew and noticed a very attractive girl who he had been trying to meet for some time. After a while, the girl and two friends got up from their chairs and went to swim laps. He got a piece of paper and wrote: "Party Friday Night, Drinks are Free, Bring Something to Eat, (His Phone Number), Call for Directions." He put the note on her chair and left the pool.

Sure enough, he got a call that evening from a very curious and intrigued girl. She asked who he was, and what he had been wearing at the pool. When he told her, she remembered him, and was very positive. Finally, she asked, "Do you always leave notes on chairs?"

His reply was a great example of shocking a girl with the truth. "No, I did that because I wanted to meet you, and if I'd gone up to you and told you that I had a big party for you to come to, you'd have thought that I was handing you the oldest line in the book. So I left the note. I was banking on you being curious enough to call and come to the party."

Indeed, she did come to the party with two of her girlfriends, and he had all evening to get to know her.

Here are some tips on talking to topless dancers when you go to topless clubs

Animate Your Listening

She can't read your mind, but she can read your face to get a clue of your reactions. Look at yourself in a mirror and imagine things that make you sad, happy, astonished, shocked. Exaggerate your expressions - try so hard that every facial muscle feels strained!

Experiment with every feeling you think may come up in a conversation - respect, admiration, sympathy. As you become more used to expressing your emotions this way, you will feel less as though you are overdoing it, and you will better convey your feelings.

Learn To Change The Topic

Learning how to gracefully change the topic is one of the best ways of keeping a conversation going. It also provides an opportunity for you and her to find areas of mutual interest.

A Flowing Conversation

A good conversation flows in and out of several topics. People jump from point to point. A remark may spur a recollection about a completely different matter. Then the talk may naturally flow back to the original topic. You shouldn't feel that you have to completely exhaust all the possibilities of one topic before proceeding to the next.