Keep Your Ears Open

An iceberg statement is a piece of free information in which 90 percent is under the surface, waiting to be asked about. These statements are hints of what she would really like to talk about. An example is "Oh, thank you. I got these earrings when I was working at a topless club in Dallas." The speaker wants you to ask a follow-up question: "When were you in Dallas?"

People are usually hesitant to compliment themselves. She may complain to you that none of her clothes fit anymore because they're too big. If you are a sensitive listener, you may realize she is really telling you she has lost weight and would like some praise. Be alert for such clues.

Adult Education Classes and University Extension Courses

Most good-sized communities in the United States offer adult education courses. The courses are varied and offer something for everyone. The classes are held at convenient times for full time workers and are available at no cost or for a small fee.

These courses are an excellent channel for meeting women.

The key to it all is to take courses that appeal to women. Let me offer some suggestions of courses that will be made up of mostly women: Interior decorating, arts and crafts, cooking, ballet, astrology, handwriting analysis, tarot, tennis, writing, etc. By taking these courses you will be one of the few men in the class. You will be surrounded by women and you will get all the attention and you will be in demand. The women will be literally fighting amongst themselves for your attention.

Let me tell you about my friend Bill who took a cooking class at my urging. This is what he told me about the class: "Well, there were fifteen women in the class and I was the only guy. Most of them were single and most of them were around my age. Now, I've only been to three of the classes and have three more to go and I've already dated four of the women...and I'm becoming a great cook on top of it. You know Don, this was a really great idea of yours. Probably none of these women would have talked to me if I had approached them in a supermarket or on the street, but no woman refuses to talk to you over a pasta."

A word of advice. Arrive at the classes early. Everyone sits around and shoots the bull and the atmosphere is very relaxed and there's no pressure to meet someone like in a singles bar. By arriving early you can make the rounds and converse with the women before class.

If you feel you are in command of the situation right from the start you can simply make your opening line, "Hi! What's your name?" This would be typical if you had some eye contact and positive response from the girl prior to your approach.

Another situation can involve a girl who just won't give you her name, although she will continue to talk to you. She may be teasing you, or she may be reluctant to introduce herself. In either case you should keep talking to her, but keep returning to the subject of her name and coaxing her to tell you.

Of course a lot can depend on the circumstances. Sometimes the situation is such that it is quite appropriate for a full introduction right away. Such would be the case if it were apparent that you and the girl were going to be engaged together in some activity, like a game of tennis, a ski run, a dance, or sharing a table (dining or drinking); or if the girl was particularly friendly.

It is good to know the girl's name as soon as possible, since calling her by name in conversation is a very important step in establishing friendship.

Sometimes, if you find yourself placed in a casual situation with a girl where you can start talking naturally (without any pressure) you may want to talk a while before an introduction. Such a situation would be if you both were in a waiting situation, such as a bus stop, waiting room, etc. The introduction can then be done casually. "By the way, my name is etc. etc."

Many men live in a dream world waiting for the perfect, beautiful "Perfect 10" to come along. These men have a hard time finding anyone, short of Bo Derek, attractive. Are we saying that shooting for "10's" is foolish? No! We are saying men forget the eight elements of what women find attractive. Remember, women find men attractive who are found attractive by other women.

When a woman sees that a man has a date or is "going" with a woman, she sees that man has something going for him. He must know how to treat a woman, he must be sexy, he must be interesting, and finally, he must be hard to get because he is already taken, and I'll have to use my powers of seduction on him, which makes me feel sensual.

When women see a man with no date or girlfriend, she sees a man who must not know how to treat a woman. He must not be sexy. He must not be interesting, and he is probably desperate. Even if you don't have your girlfriend with you, women can sense a man who has experience with women. They can especially sense a man who is desperate. Being involved with women is probably the single most important thing that you can do to make yourself attractive to other women. Your image is improved without you saying a word.

Be Sensitive To Her Responses

If she gives you a brief response, she may not wish to discuss the topic for a particular reason. Be sensitive to unenthusiastic responses, and be ready to change to a new topic quickly when you feel you have touched on a high-sensitivity or low-interest area for her.

Avoiding Sensitive Topics

What do you do if she brings up a subject that you feel is inappropriate? These are subjects that are in poor taste or which may make you feel uncomfortable - a racial slur, for example. You can show that you don't share this opinion, but without making a fuss about it. You might simply say, "I don't really agree with that," or "I'm sure we can find more pleasant things to talk about." Now, since you made the suggestion to change the subject, it's up to you to do just that. Pick up the conversational ball quickly and open a new topic of discussion by making a comment or asking an open-ended question based on free information that heard earlier.