This is from my book, "1001 Best Pick Up Lines" at: http://www.getgirls.com/1001.htm

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Bad Vocabulary Habits That Can Cost You Dates With Single Women

I would like to focus this week on some vocabulary habits that can turn single women off and hurt your chances for getting women attracted to you for love and romance.
Some women will judge you by how you talk to them and what you say. Unfortunately some men have a very small vocabulary and use certain words over and over again between sentences that can become very annoying to women.
What are these words that men mistakenly repeat over and over that are a source of annoyment and can actually make you appear to be stupid because you lack a vocabulary? Here are the main ones and you must try to eliminate them from you vocabulary when speaking to single women:

• "'you know"
• "you know what I mean?"
• "you know what I'm saying?"
• "do you understand what I'm saying?"
• using the word "like" to begin a sentence
• "I know that"
• "I already knew that"
• "umm"
• "yep"
• "nope"
• "and dah"

These phrases are ok to use every once in awhile. What I'm talking about is repeating these phases in almost every other sentence. I'm sure you know people that have these annoying conversation habits.

 

Maybe this is even you?

Also, I might add that you should never use cuss words in your conversation when you first get to know a woman. If she's offended by foul language, this can turn her off to the point that she will have no interest in dating you.
Please don't mumble your words either. Speak clearly and don't talk with your hand over your mouth. And of course, if you're out on a lunch or dinner date, don't talk with your mouth full.
P.S. - In all fairness, if the girl you're with makes these same vocabulary blunders you do, then you will share something in common and your blunders are not likely to turn her off.

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1. On the first get-together, talk only about her - not yourself. By talking about her, you learn more about her which will be valuable to you in planning strategy. Also, it is a subject she will be comfortable with. By not talking about yourself, you let your image speak for itself. And don't forget, the less women know about you, the more women want to know about you. Be a man of mystery.

2. Finally, when you first get to know a girl, it would be better if she suspects that you are seeing other women as well as her. It makes you more attractive to her and she knows she will have to work hard to get you.

How do you suggest that there are other women in your life? Just doing all the things we suggested in this section will accomplish that: Playing hard to get; not rushing into sex; not calling every night; not always being available; and being unpredictable.

Your conversation is the SECOND PHASE of your approach to a girl has three basic objectives:

1. Killing time by "small talk" to make the girl more at ease in your company.

2. Drawing the girl out to speak of herself.

3. Impressing the girl by talking in an exciting, interesting manner.

Generally, correct, polite, logical and serious conversation is best in business situations. But aggressive, frivolous, showy conversation is usually more effective when talking with girls. You should tend toward being an extrovert. If you can remember a time when you were very outgoing at a party or other occasion and impressed people, try to recapture that same spirit.

 It is a good idea to watch other men in conversations to see which tactics are most effective. Notice how many men talk too much on uninteresting things, and try to avoid this fault in your own conversations.

Also it is a good idea to note (even write down) effective jokes and expressions you may hear. Your source might be TV, comedy records, or other people you meet.

Your conversation should be a mixture. You should mix small talk, exciting subjects, interesting serious subjects, and sexy talk. Don't talk too long about serious subjects; break into something lighter. Be on the move all the time in your choice of subjects.

Avoid Dull Subjects

Sometimes it is the girl who keeps the conversation on a subject uninteresting to you. If she is really interested in it herself you can cater to her for a while, but you should eventually try to change the subject rather than suffer too much boredom yourself. You can probably find something interesting to both of you.

Once you introduce yourself to a girl your body language should become more relaxed. In FIRST PHASE situations you had to assert yourself to make your introduction, and that required the positive body language described earlier.
 

Now in the SECOND PHASE you will be acting more casually and engaging in small talk while you are starting to get to know her. You don't need to be facing her squarely, looking directly at her as much, or standing so close. You are now trying to put her more at ease.

Then, as you get to know her better, and at times talk of more personal things, you will intensify your body language again by more direct facing, closer proximity, more eye contact, etc., during those times.

Just as your conversation should alternate between periods of more intense personal discussion and more relaxed small talk, jokes, etc., your body language should also vary accordingly.

I have suggested some serious conversation subjects, which you should be prepared to use when appropriate. But, be warned, many girls are not all that interested in a lot of serious conversation. They prefer the lighter stuff: kidding around, compliments, spicy talk (jokes, etc.) and a lot of going places and doing things. Also, discussions and planning of different escapades. In fact some girls really don't want to talk all that much. They would rather be involved in doing things. This is particularly true when you are not alone with a girl, such as in a foursome, or in a group at a party. You must always use feedback to determine your conversation trends.

Don't make the mistake of assuming that, because you are interested in more intellectual subjects, it is right for everyone else to be. You will, of course, find many girls who are just as intelligent, or more intelligent, than you are. But there are many others, particularly younger girls, who are actually childlike in their interests. I do not suggest that you adopt their views if you want to have a relationship with such girls, but you should at least cater to their interests. Do not deal with such a girl as you would with a more intellectual girl. She would be quite bored.

 

Enough of the "Eager to Please"

When you sense that the girl is becoming friendlier to you, it is time to change your approach. In a FIRST PHASE approach you may have had to grovel a bit to get to meet her. You said, "Excuse me." and "I hope you don't mind" etc. This may have been necessary. After all, you were intruding in her space. But now it is different: she has accepted your presence.

Now you should act in a more self-assured fashion. You should no longer act as if you were only eager to please her. You should now act as a man who is confident that the girl is (or will be) attracted to him, because he has something worthwhile to offer. And you now expect to deal with her on an equal basis. Your attitude should no longer be so apologetic, but more as if you were taking her approval for granted. Your speech style should reflect this:

Do not say, "Would you mind if I took your picture?" Say, "I would like to take your picture."

Do not say, “Would you come with me? I'd like to show you something." Say, "Come with me. I'd like to show you something."

Do not say, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but what do you think..." Say, "Tell me! What do you think?"

It is better to sound a bit selfish and demanding than apologetic and unsure.

Small Talk

Usually, at this early stage of the encounter, you are engaged in small talk, and just about anything is O.K. so long as it flows. It is usually not a good idea to rush into a personal approach right after meeting the girl, particularly if she hasn't warmed to you. You do not know each other well enough yet. That is why small talk should be I used for a while as a transition. You should try to spend some time just chatting casually while you become better acquainted.

This is where feedback is important. The girl may show a warm response to you very early in the encounter. Then you can advance out of small talk and right into a more personal line of conversation. Of course compliments and small talk can be worked into the conversation again, at later times in the encounter, whenever it is appropriate to do so. But a word of warning: Don't engage in conversation for a long period of time, talking only small talk. The girl may find you boring. Your feedback should tell you when it is time to become more personal.

Give Her Your Own Information

It isn't enough to give her plenty of opportunities to talk by constantly asking questions. It can become draining to be asked question after question without learning anything about her and it can begin to feel like an interview. When you ask questions, include some information about yourself. Rather than asking, "Where were you brought up?" You might say, "I was born in Nevada but I lived in California from the time I was a year old until I went to college. Did you grow up on the West coast?"

This ensures that you will both get something out of the conversation, while you show your interest and make the person who is being asked questions more comfortable.

Be sure your timing is good. Imagine you are being given an explanation of how to slow cook a roast. "Then you slow-cook the roast in a crock pot." If you don't know what a crock pot is, now is the time to ask. If you wait until the recipe is completed before asking, "What is a crock pot?" you come across as an uncaring listener.

Asking a question at the appropriate time shows you are listening to her and understand what is being said. In contrast, if you are told all about her trip to Hawaii and at the end of the story ask, "So where did you stay when you first got there?" you will come across as an insincere listener, someone who is asking out of politeness and not paying attention. Remember, if you listen carefully and concentrate on what she is saying, you will be able to ask the right questions at the right time.

If you feel you are in command of the situation right from the start you can simply make your opening line, "Hi! What's your name?" This would be typical if you had some eye contact and positive response from the girl prior to your approach.

Another situation can involve a girl who just won't give you her name, although she will continue to talk to you. She may be teasing you, or she may be reluctant to introduce herself. In either case you should keep talking to her, but keep returning to the subject of her name and coaxing her to tell you.

Of course a lot can depend on the circumstances. Sometimes the situation is such that it is quite appropriate for a full introduction right away. Such would be the case if it were apparent that you and the girl were going to be engaged together in some activity, like a game of tennis, a ski run, a dance, or sharing a table (dining or drinking); or if the girl was particularly friendly.

It is good to know the girl's name as soon as possible, since calling her by name in conversation is a very important step in establishing friendship.

Sometimes, if you find yourself placed in a casual situation with a girl where you can start talking naturally (without any pressure) you may want to talk a while before an introduction. Such a situation would be if you both were in a waiting situation, such as a bus stop, waiting room, etc. The introduction can then be done casually. "By the way, my name is etc. etc."

Be Sensitive To Her Responses

If she gives you a brief response, she may not wish to discuss the topic for a particular reason. Be sensitive to unenthusiastic responses, and be ready to change to a new topic quickly when you feel you have touched on a high-sensitivity or low-interest area for her.

Avoiding Sensitive Topics

What do you do if she brings up a subject that you feel is inappropriate? These are subjects that are in poor taste or which may make you feel uncomfortable - a racial slur, for example. You can show that you don't share this opinion, but without making a fuss about it. You might simply say, "I don't really agree with that," or "I'm sure we can find more pleasant things to talk about." Now, since you made the suggestion to change the subject, it's up to you to do just that. Pick up the conversational ball quickly and open a new topic of discussion by making a comment or asking an open-ended question based on free information that heard earlier.

Conversation Pitfalls

When talking about things that excite and interest you, here are some pitfalls you'll want to avoid:

1. Don't dominate the conversation with your own enthusiasms. Be sensitive to how much time you devote to your own subject without hearing again from the other person. It's alright to let her know what turns you on, but be aware that she may not necessarily want to hear everything you have to say about that topic.
2. Avoid Jargon or technical terms when discussing topics with her and she isn't familiar with the subject. You can give her an inside look at what excites you about the topic, rather than overly specific details.
3. Be careful not to lecture or try to "sell" her on what you believe in, regardless of how strongly you believe in it or how important you feel it is.

She may want to learn more about a subject that interests you, but they don't necessarily wish to be converted to your point of view.
4. Don't tell personal secrets in the early stages of a friendship with a topless
dancer. Of course, it's flattering to her to be told something confidential, but if this is early on in a friendship, the person is likely to think, "If he tells me such personal things right off, he probably tells everyone." Wait until the time is right, and you've established trust.
5. Don't try to override her point of view with your superior knowledge of a subject. Be receptive to her point of view and listen to what she has to say. Then, when it's your turn to give your opinion, she will be more receptive and open to your ideas.

Opening lines present some difficulties. You are approaching someone you know nothing about and trying to get something going. Your obvious predicament is that you are trying to find, or establish, a subject of common interest to give you and the girl a reason to be talking together.

You can usually do this by one of these seven approaches:

1. Ask for help.
2. An honest (usually apologetic) approach.
3. A casual (or humorous) approach.
4. A speculative approach (asking questions to get her opinion).
5. A direct approach.
6. Use a compliment.
7. Offer help, or service.

Sometimes you may use two or more of these approaches by starting with one, and following up with another. In fact, throughout the whole operation of a pick-up, you should be ready to change your approach if the one you are using is not working.

If you are at leisure yourself, on a beach, in a restaurant, or on a park bench and an attractive girl walks by, you can take the opportunity to ask her to join you. You may want to put in some' 'filler'" talk if you don't get an immediate "Yes," (and she is wavering). Coaxing and kidding are good even if you get a weak "No."

"Aw come on, I need the company," etc., etc.

Dogs are wonderful conversation openers. Either the girl has a dog, which gives you the opportunity to admire it and ask its age, sex or breed. Then compare it with a dog you had. Introductions follow. Or, if you have a dog, chances are a girl will admire it. Even if she doesn't, you can reassure her jokingly, as you pass (or she passes you), that she need not be afraid, you will hold him tightly. Or he is very quiet (just like his owner). You can even solicit admiration of your animal. "Isn't he a beauty,” etc. Of course the advantage is that you have a common experience to share with the girl - the dog.

Outstandingly interesting cars, motorcycles, horses, or any other similar possessions can be used in the same way. Remember, girls are always interested (if they are available) in meeting new guys, and anything that gives them the opportunity is fine with them.

If you deliver your opening line to the girl knowing you have plenty to say afterwards (until you introduce yourself) you will be much more confident in both your initial approach and your opening line.

Now don't get the wrong idea here. We do not mean you have to ramble on at length before you introduce yourself. It should be a very short speech, at most 10-20 seconds. Sometimes it will not be necessary at all; it all depends on the girl's reaction. In many cases she will respond immediately to your opening line, in a friendly, warm way. You should then introduce yourself immediately. We are concerned more with the occasion where the girl is a little hesitant. You should only continue with the "filler" until she seems to be accepting the idea of meeting you.

If your “filler" attempt makes you sound like you are struggling with the situation, it doesn't matter. If you are squirming somewhat, trying to justify your actions in trying to pick up the girl, this is fine. You are talking - that is the main thing -and she is listening. You are really not trying to convince her. She probably agrees with you anyway. When she shows signs of accepting your attempt to meet her, you should then proceed to introduce yourself. Your looking a little worried after your opening line is actually very good for your case. It makes you look more real, more believable. The girl tends to think, "This nice guy is worried about my being offended when he is trying to meet me. Yes! I do agree with him. He should be able to talk to me if he wants to." It tends to put her on your side, with the conventions of society the villain. She should then give you some encouragement, and you can introduce yourself. Unless she is unavailable, and she should tell you that quickly enough.

Really! Talk, talk, talk. Keep talking. That's what it's all about. So have your ammunition ready.

A few good filler lines that give you at least a weak additional excuse for stopping the girl are:

"Well, I just like to meet new people."

"You know, this is a good opportunity to meet new people," (beach, sporting event, or any occasion).

"I just like to talk to interesting people." (Then tell her why she interests you.)

All this may sound unimportant. You may think that you can easily think of something to say. Well, if you are quick-witted enough, you may be able to. But otherwise it is best to have your ammunition ready. If you are inexperienced in trying to pick up a girl there is a lot of pressure on you. It often happens that when you try to think of something to say your mind comes up with a blank.

We believe that this "filler" talk is more important than the opening line, particularly for a novice. It is easy to learn a good opening line, and just stop a girl and say it. But men who have tried pick-ups unsuccessfully always say that the big problem comes after the opening line, when the situation becomes awkward and it just didn't seem appropriate yet to introduce themselves. What you are grasping for at that point of the operation is common experience with the girl. After all, if you already knew the girl you would have no problem finding something to say. You would have plenty of common experience to talk about. But you don't. She is a complete stranger. So one of the best subjects of conversation is the common experience you are having at that moment –your attempt to meet her. Some philosophical discussion of that subject fits into the situation very well (at that instant, anyway.