Should You Stay or Go - Cheating Advice

Relationship Cheating Should I Stay Or Go

Getting over relationship cheating, while not impossible, will be very difficult, the first thing you need to do is determine why the infidelity happened in the first place and whether or not it's likely to only be a one time thing. If the answer to that question is 'no' than it's probably time to move on and end the relationship.

If you're involved with someone who is a 'serial' cheater, they will never change. It's best to make a break right now before you get even more hurt. If, on the other hand, your partner has always been committed and faithful and only strayed because of some extenuating circumstances, you may have a chance of making your relationship work...if they want to work on it too.

It's important for you to realize though, that even if you are both totally committed to making the relationship work it will still be an uphill climb. It's just not that easy to learn to trust someone after they've betrayed you, even if you really want to.

And if the person who cheated isn't 100% committed to addressing the issues that led to the cheating and willing to work on fixing them, the relationship is dead. One partner can't do all the work to fix the relationship, it has to be a joint effort or it will fail.

Most couples will need to rely on an objective third party for help, such as a counselor or clergy. There are a lot of intense emotions to sort through and having an objective bystander who can 'referee' and keep each party on track and not let it dissolve into a shouting match, can go a long way to finding a resolution and possibly even salvaging the relationship.

Sometimes the relationship simply can't be, or shouldn't be, saved. Many times people get together for the wrong reasons such as loneliness or the need to feel secure. When that is the basis of a relationship instead of love, friendship, and respect, it's going to be virtually impossible to save it after an infidelity. If this is the situation a counselor can also be helpful in helping both parties find closure, heal and move on.

If you find that you tend to get into a lot of relationships with the wrong types of people, a counselor can also help you figure out why you have the tendency to be self destructive. Whether or not people want to admit it, any time they find themselves involved with the wrong person it's almost always apparent very early in the relationship that the two of them simply aren't that compatible.

Most people will ignore these warning signs and then act surprised later when things fall apart. If you can avoid these types of relationships in the first place, you'll save yourself a lot of heartache in the long run.

Overcoming relationship cheating is possible, as long as both parties are really willing to work on it. Just remember to always be honest about the overall worth of the relationship and whether or not it really is something that should be salvaged or not.

How to Keep the Fires Burning in a Relationship

Relationship Article Pointers To Keep Love Burning

In this relationship article I'm going to give you some pointers, that if followed, could help you keep your relationship strong and loving. I will include a list of three things you can do that will make your partner feel loved and respected.

One word of caution though: while this list focuses on how you can treat your partner, it's also vitally important that your partner does the same things for you. I'm not encouraging a one sided relationship. Those never work, or at least they don't work from the standpoint that one partner isn't getting their needs met so the relationship isn't a healthy one.

In a strong healthy relationship both partners should be getting the majority of their needs met. They should feel love, respect, friendship, understanding, and desire coming from their partner. They should be giving those same things back too.

So before you plow into the list I want you to take some time to evaluate who you are as a person. Make sure that you are able to give and take equally. This is so important because in most relationships one person is the primary giver and one person is the primary taker. That is not good. Ideally both parties should be fairly close to a 50/50 split between what they give and what they take. That's what I want you to strive for.

Don't be the one who does all the giving, or most of it. And don't be the one who does all the taking, or most of it. Try to balance yourself and encourage your partner to do the same. OK, now on to the list:

1. Ultimately we all want to feel like our partner actually likes us. So make sure you take time to have fun with your partner. Share your day with them. Tell them the good things, and the bad things. Have some laughs together.

2. Help build your partner up. You don't have to lie...if they ask you if they've gained weight, and they have, you don't have to say 'no' but you could say that they look good to you. (by the way, never ask a loaded, stupid, question like 'do I look fat in this"? No good can ever come of it!)

3. Too many relationships lose physical intimacy, and I don't just mean sex. When you and your partner were dating you most likely held hands, rubbed each other's hands or backs, basically you couldn't keep your hands off of each other. You just had to be close and touching as much as possible. Don't let that slip away. Never underestimate the power of a gentle touch and other physical contact.

And while sex is important, don't let all your physical contact become only sexual in nature. You should always enjoy touching your partners cheek or sneaking up behind them and putting your arms around them for a hug.

I know that if you use some of the ideas I've given you in this relationship article that you can be one step closer to maintaining a strong loving relationship with your partner. Just try to maintain some of the wonder, and love you had for your partner when you first met. By doing that you have a much better chance of keeping your relationship strong and happy for your whole life.

Getting Relationship Advice Online

Relationship Advice Online

Most of us at one point or another in our lives will find ourselves in a difficult spot in our relationship. It can be tough to know which way to turn. There is help though, seeking out relationship advice online is one way to go.

For most people when faced with a crisis, of any kind, the first thing they do is talk things over with family or friends. And often, that's all it takes. Usually our problems aren't so in depth that it takes much more than a shoulder to cry on and a little tlc.

Sometimes, however, our problems go much deeper and not only do we need good advice, we need good un-biased advice, and that is something you can not go to your family and friends for. They will have their opinion sure, but it won't be unbiased. More than likely they will take your side in most everything...even if you're the one who is wrong.

If you're trying to salvage a relationship, that is not what you need. You need an objective person to tell you the truth, even the things you may not want to really hear. The painful truths, often the ones we run away from, are usually just what we need to hear.

Hiring a professional counselor or therapist can be a good way to go too. But before you do, keep a few things in mind. Therapists are just like any other group of professionals, some are better than others.

You should be particularly careful when choosing a faith based counselor. Why? Because sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes they will encourage you to stay in your relationship at all costs. They may be more concerned with their own religious beliefs and their bias against getting a divorce than they are for your well being and happiness. And the really bad part is they may not even realize they are doing it.

Now, I want to be clear. Using a faith based counseling service isn't a bad idea, just remember that everyone has an opinion, even non faith based therapists will have their own opinions, just make sure whatever therapist you see isn't blinded by their own opinion to the detriment of helping you figure out the best course of action for you.

And, last but not least, you can always use the enormous resources of the internet to help with your relationship questions. You could find forums, chat rooms, blogs, etc on relationships and relationship advice.

As with any other type of counseling just make sure you take everything with a grain of salt. Using online resources can be easier for some people since many people have a hard time opening up about personal issues face to face.

It can sometimes be easier to 'spill your guts' anonymously online. That can be a huge benefit since total honesty will be necessary to make the necessary changes in your life and to help you in your relationship.

So, if you're facing issues in your relationship and you want to get help just remember that you don't have to rely only on the 'traditional' offline methods. There is plenty of very good relationship advice online that can help you sort out all of your relationship issues.

Saving a Relationship After You Catch Them Cheating

Simple Tips To Help You - Save Your Relationship After Infidelity

If you are trying to save your relationship after infidelity and wondering where to turn, then the good news, amongst the doom and gloom you're currently feeling, is that there is hope.

What you have to do first of all is make sure that you are serious about wanting to save your relationship. There is very little point in trying to save the relationship if you are not fully committed to what you are about to undertake.

Now, after infidelity a relationship is in a very fragile state. Trust has been broken and betrayal is often all that the wounded spouse can think about. If you are the spouse who has strayed and betrayed your spouse, then get ready to do some serious making up.

Obviously you will have to start by ending your affair. Once you have ended the affair and broken off all contact with your lover, then you have to convince your spouse that you have done this and done this once and for all. There really is no point attempting this reconciliation if you are still seeing your lover or still in contact with them.

Take some time thinking about what caused you to have the affair in the first place. Very rarely is it about wanting to sleep with someone else. Usually it's about an emotional need that was not being met in the relationship. Figure out what you were missing and sit down with your spouse and explain it to them.

Whatever you do don't make your spouse think or feel that whatever you were missing was because they weren't providing it. You have to take full responsibility for your mistakes and you have to do so in a constructive way.

After infidelity, you are going to have to work at getting back your spouse's trust. Now this will not happen over night, so don't get frustrated and angry if you feel you're being made to jump through hoops to win back your spouse's trust. When you first met and dated your spouse, trust didn't just appear on the first date, the first week or month. No, it took time to time to build and grow and now that you have severely damaged that trust, it will once again take time to return. So you're going to have to be very patient.

Make sure that after the infidelity, if the two of you feel that you need to seek outside expert help that you do so. There is no point in you both wanting to save the relationship, but neither of you have any clue about how to go about this and then not seeking help. You will do yourselves a great disservice if you decide to soldier on without help.

Relationships can be saved after infidelity has happened. The key though, is that one or both of you truly want to save the relationship.

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What to Do When You Have Success Using the Personals

The Personals For Seniors Worked - Now What

Most people have seen personals for seniors in a newspaper or magazine, but they rarely stop to think about whether they would use them. They are less likely to think about what would happen if they do work and result in contact with a prospective partner.

People post personals for seniors as a way of meeting new friends and potentially a new partner. There are many ways to meet new dates and personals is just one of them.

Senior citizens could also try

1) Senior dining club

2) Speed dating for seniors

3) Themed Single Senior Nights.

4) Senior dating group

5) Senior online dating service

6) Family and Friends

7) Introduction agencies or old style matchmakers.

In short, there are a number of ways you can use to find your new partner. So you have placed a personal ad, they have replied. Now what?

Do you initiate the first meeting? Well, I would suggest that you leave that to the man but then I have been told I am old fashioned. But most men of a certain age were brought up to believe it was the man's job to ask the lady out so now would not be a good time to test that theory. So if in doubt, let him do the asking.

Don't take offence if he asks you out for a drink rather than a date. If you have ever seen a Hugh Grant film, you will know that a lot of men see a huge difference between the two. Go for the drink and see where it leads.

Where do you meet? I would avoid a movie on the first couple of dates. You can't get to know someone if you are watching a movie, theater or concert. That can come later. For now, a quiet little restaurant or coffee house would fit the bill nicely.

I would suggest that you go somewhere you feel comfortable. In fact, if you are woman meeting a man for the first time, I would only go somewhere I was known for safety reasons. You can try out new venues later. For now, you will be nervous enough without worrying about whether you will get lost/abducted/arrive late etc.

If you cant think of anything to say, it is probably nerves and chances are he has them too. So it is fine to admit that you are nervous. It may actually put him more at ease. Try and keep the conversation light - talk about a book you have read, or a film you have seen. Encourage him to talk too by asking gentle questions.

Leave all emotional and financial issues at the front door of the restaurant/coffee shop and collect on your way out. Even if you hit it off, now is not the time to discuss your overbearing mother, unfaithful husband or drug addicted daughter.

I always try and finish the first date. Why? Well, mum always said that you became more attractive as you became more unavailable. Two, it can be unusual for a woman to make this move so you will help him to remember your date.

Now you know to make the most of personals for seniors.

If You Break Up Should You Get Back Together

Should You Break Up And Get Back Together

A friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend, but started having second thoughts about the breakup. She asked me if I thought they could break up and get back together. I told her that I thought it depended on a few things:

You often hear people say that relationships take work, and that is true, to a point. The reality is that many of us close our eyes when entering into a relationship. We totally ignore all warning signs that this just isn't going to work out, and we often cling to the sinking ship long after we should have jumped overboard.

A good relationship with someone you are compatible with will take work, but not as much as if you try to force something with someone you simply aren't compatible with.

You can't fit a square peg in a round hole and that's what many people try to do with their relationships. They know deep inside that this person isn't right for them but for some reason they feel the need to hold on tightly. Maybe it's the fear of starting over or being alone, but in the long run you risk being miserable instead of being happy with the right person.

So to answer the question of getting back together after a breakup you have to be honest with yourself about the reason you broke up.

Most often when a couple breaks up it's because things have gone so far that it's difficult, or impossible, to fix. If you could identify a problem and fix it right away before the resentments and anger grows you'd have a better chance of saving the relationship .

Most people are in denial and don't want to rock the boat so they ignore the small problems and before they know it those small problems have grown into huge problems, and by then it's usually too late.

If you've broken up over small generally insignificant differences and you're both mature enough and willing to openly discuss the issues then yes, by all means, get back together.

But if the problems have grown too big and the resentments have gone too deep then it's probably best not to break up and get back together. Just learn from your mistakes and move on. As painful as this might be in the long run it will be less painful than staying in a bad relationship.

3-28-99 Newsletter -Where and How to Meet Single Women, Personals