Pecking Order for Relationships

Positions Within The Dating Scene

Anyone that finds themselves in the dating scene will soon find that there is a specific order of people involved in that scene. This is often considered a pecking order. The process of establishing a pecking order results in clear definitions of who is the top and who is the bottom in situations that occur. For instance, a situation where one person takes control and the other follows that leader would be an example of pecking order. The top is the person that takes control and the bottom follows the leader.

A main component of pecking order revolves around a person’s level of self confidence. Followers most often do not have very much confidence within themselves. Those willing to take control and lead are confident in themselves. They know what they want. They have direction and focus in their lives.

Self confidence is a huge factor in a successful relationship. You need to be confident if you plan on having a meaningful relationship. Confidence is something that is conveyed very clearly to other people. If you are confident in yourself this will radiate from you. You are much more likely to attract a potential mate if you are positive. You are also much more likely to start a conversation with other people and to be open to all of the new opportunities that can potentially present themselves.

At the same time, the bottom people in a relationship have their place also. It is not a bad thing to be a bottom or person that is more reserved. These people are also important within the relationship. Even in a relationship where both people are more confident and sure of themselves, one person is going to end up being the top and more in control of the relationship.

This is a fact of life. It is the way that humans are programmed and how we are meant to react. It is not a reaction that we have any control over. However, we can control which side of the pecking order we are found in. You can work to make yourself more confident and self assured.

In dong this, you will be changing the way that you react to situations and different aspects of life. You will also come across more positively to everyone that you come in contact with. In being more positive you are much more likely to have better, more meaningful relationships that can last for a long time to come.

The first thing that you need to do when making decisions about entering into a relationship is to figure out where your place is within the pecking order. If you are a leader, use that to your advantage. If you are a follower, seek out a leader that you are compatible with.

Two people that are compatible have the best chance of their relationship working out. If you are both the same within the pecking order, there will be conflict and constant struggling between you.

3. Outlook:

Do they share similar views on things that are important to you? You don't have to agree on everything. It's possible some relationships can thrive even if both parties are very different in many of their views; though it will only work if both parties are mature and secure and don't feel threatened that the other one doesn't agree with them on various issues.

For the most part though, it will work better if you and your potential partner have a common ground on the main issues, your core beliefs. If you value honesty and fidelity, for example, you won't be happy with someone who lies and cheats.

Believe it or not, it's actually pretty easy to find perfect relationships, or at least perfect for you. The problem is that people see what they want to see and not what is really there. I know it can be hard, especially in the beginning, but it's important for the long term health and happiness of the relationship that you take off the blinders and see your partner as they really are, not as you want them to be.

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Perfect Relationships Do Not Exist

Perfect Relationships - Is There Any Such Animal

Don't hold out for perfect relationships because you'll only be disappointed. So many people sabotage their chances at love because they place their loved one and/or their relationship on a pedestal.

Until you change your definition of what perfect is you are doomed to failure again and again. You will also cause yourself and anyone you enter into a relationship with, a lot of pain.

No one is perfect, but someone can be perfect for you. There is a difference. The sooner you can make that distinction the sooner you'll have a real shot at having a great, loving relationship.

To get a better idea of what someone who is perfect for you would like, I've compiled a list of some of the most commonly desired traits in a partner. Of course your ideas could be different but these traits are fairly common and they provide a good place to start in examining what you consider perfect.

1.Understanding:

People are comfortable with someone who 'gets' them. If you sing in the shower, like weird food combination's, or just like to act goofy sometimes, you'll want a partner who can play along with you.

Everyone has their own little quirks and your perfect partner will, at the minimum, accept those quirks without making fun of you and at best will have the same or similar quirks. You won't want someone who will roll their eyes or ridicule you whenever you do these things. They should love you, and accept you, just as you are.

2. Good self esteem:

One of the biggest problems I see in relationships is when one party is insecure. This insecurity is often hidden and it can come across as many other things. Very often someone who is overly sexual or overly aggressive is actually just trying to compensate for and cover up a very strong sense of insecurity.

As you get to know someone keep a close eye out for their actions, this will tell you a lot. For example, how do they react when something embarrassing happens? Do they get angry, defensive? Do they lash out at you, this should be a huge, huge, red flag. Or do they laugh and shrug and go along with it good naturedly. If they do the latter it probably means that they are a secure confidant person, and that is a trait you want to look for in a partner.

3. Outlook:

Do they share similar views on things that are important to you? You don't have to agree on everything. It's possible some relationships can thrive even if both parties are very different in many of their views; though it will only work if both parties are mature and secure and don't feel threatened that the other one doesn't agree with them on various issues.

For the most part though, it will work better if you and your potential partner have a common ground on the main issues, your core beliefs. If you value honesty and fidelity, for example, you won't be happy with someone who lies and cheats.

Believe it or not, it's actually pretty easy to find perfect relationships, or at least perfect for you. The problem is that people see what they want to see and not what is really there. I know it can be hard, especially in the beginning, but it's important for the long term health and happiness of the relationship that you take off the blinders and see your partner as they really are, not as you want them to be.

Relationships Struggles and How to Deal with Them

Relationship Struggles Can Be Overcome

There are often situations where a relationship has its ups and downs. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Every relationship will have rough patches now and then. The thing that determines how a relationship fairs through these struggles is how the struggles and roadblocks are handled. If you know what to do and the best way to go about dealing with things, you are much more likely to see your relationship blossom and continue to grow.

Communication is the key to any and all relationships. If you are not able to communicate effectively with your partner, you are not going to get anywhere. Communication lays the foundation for the rest of the relationship. The first thing that you do when you meet someone is have a conversation. It may be very short at first and very basic. There may be very few words spoken. However, you are conversing with a person. This is the groundwork of any type of relationship.

Honesty is also paramount in any relationship. If you are not able to be honest with yourself and with your partner, you are destined to failure. It is a sure bet that lies and deceit will ruin any chance at a healthy relationship. Your partner is supposed to be the closest person to you. They are the other half of your life. They are what make you whole. If you cannot be honest with each other and open, you should not even enter into a relationship.

Finances are a major source of discontent within a relationship. Most problems that come about and most arguments are centered on financial problems. People begin to struggle to make ends meet. If they have been in a relationship for a long time, the arguments and struggles can be worse.

Most new relationships find the people walking on eggshells. They do not want to upset their partner and they do not want to risk doing anything to make them mad. Therefore, they will avoid conflict and will not talk about concerns or issues that are creating problems for them.

However, as relationships continue on, this newness wears off. The couple begins to realize that they are going to have to discuss their issues and problems with each other. They have to work together and find solutions. It is not a situation where one person is responsible for all of the problems and all of the aspects within the relationship and the other person is just there. They have to work together. Relationships are 50/50. They are give and take. You cannot have an effective relationship if one person is trying to do everything.

If you are able to work together and communicate in a relationship, you will be able to handle nearly any situation that arises. You are capable of working together and dealing with your problems. There is no need to end a relationship when you are able to improve it and make it work. Some of the most lasting relationships have had many problems and struggles along the way. However, they have been able to work through things and stay together through it all.

Relationships Site are Not Always Helpful

Relationship Sites: Use Your Head And Heart

I believe that in some ways the internet has created problems for us as a society. Why? Because there is too much information and we don't know where to start? No. I believe it's a problem because we tend to rely too heavily on the information we get online. We stop using our own heads and hearts. Using online relationship sites to get advice about your relationship isn't a bad thing...as long as you never stop using your own head.

Everyone has an opinion. Some of them make sense, though you may not agree with them, and some just sound completely stupid. Sometimes I worry that with so many opinions floating around we forget to consider our own opinion. So before you start using online sties, this is my word of caution to you: not everyone who claims to be an 'expert' really is.

Not every 'expert' can possibly know everything about their chosen subject. The important thing for you to remember is to get various opinions, but at the end of the day stop, take some time and listen to what your head and heart are telling you. If you listen to yourself, honestly, you will hardly ever make a mistake.

There are many sites online that will have advice on relationships or even give you the opportunity to meet the person of your dreams.

If you want to find some help on your relationship issues you may want to do a search for forums on relationships. Find some and take a little time to 'lurk' in the forum without leaving a comment. Just get a feel for the type of people and topics discussed at the forum. If you like what you see you may want to start interacting by posing your question.

A lot of people will actually find it easier to open up online because of the anonymity they have. No one knows who you so it can sometimes be easier to open up about certain subjects. If that's the case for you than by all means, use a forum to provide you with the help you need. Just remember what I said above about using your own common sense.

Online chat rooms can be another resource that may be able to help you out. Here you will have real time conversations with other members. Just like with the forums you can still be completely anonymous if you choose. You can even make 'friends' in a chat room.

Of course, you do have to be careful since you don't really know who you're talking to. That middle aged woman from Tennessee could actually be a middle aged man from Chicago. Just make sure you don't give out any details that someone could use to locate you in real life.

But if you feel like the information and advice they are giving you makes sense, than by all means use it. One of the great things about these types of sites is that everyone has their own experiences to share. The odds of you finding someone who is in the same situation as you, or better yet, has overcome the same situation that you are currently in and can provide some real answers, is much better when you have dozens or even hundreds of people right there in the chat room.

There are all kinds of relationship sites online and they may be able to help you with whatever you're dealing with. Just remember to always use your own head, heart, and opinion first and you'll be fine.

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How to Improve Your Relationship Advice for Couples

Relationship Couples

I'm not that old, so I don't know for sure, but it seems like these days we make everything so much more complicated than it needs to be. That is especially true when it comes to relationship couples seem to find it so hard to figure out the problem and many times the problem is a small and simple thing.

One analogy I often use is that of a stone wall. Think of your relationship. Every time you do or say something that hurts or annoys your partner, it's like adding another stone to the wall. A couple stones here and a few stones there don't matter all that much, you can still easily step over the wall to be close to your partner.

And, if you apologize, and make permanent changes, to the behaviors that caused your partner pain or annoyance, you can even remove a stone sometimes.

But if you do like most couples do, and you continue to add stones after stones after stones, and you don't remove any, you will find it virtually impossible to connect with your partner. By that point it will be very difficult and maybe even impossible to tear down the wall and have a meaningful relationship with your partner.

The trick is to make sure your wall never gets too high. How? Easy, talk. Just talk, don't yell, don't shout, don't accuse...talk.

It's very important each person in the relationship remembers that the other person has feelings too. When you are hurt and upset it's very easy to make everything all about 'you'. That won't work.

If you take the time to realize that your partner has their point of view and remember, this has absolutely nothing to do with right and wrong, it's simply about recognizing that each person has their own view of what has happened and you need to let them express that view without getting defensive or upset, you might actually find that you are on the same page...just a different sentence!

I've had that very same experience. My spouse and I had very heated discussions but once we calmed down and actually talked, and listened, we realized though we were saying it in different ways we were both saying basically the same thing!

Once you come to that place it will help you take a stone out of your wall and it can also help you in the future if you can remember that you and your partner probably aren't all that far off from each other, you're just expressing yourselves differently.

For the most part no matter what your age, gender, religious, or sexual preferences, everyone wants to feel love, respected, appreciated, and understood. You want that and so does your partner, when it comes to relationship couples will be much better off if they never lose sight of that. If you try to deal with your partner with those things in mind, and they do the same for you, your relationship will be much smoother, and there will be a lot fewer stones in your wall.