LEARNING TO ACCEPT REJECTIONS REASONABLY IS ONE OF LIFE'S MOST IMPORTANT LESSONS. When you have done this you graduate from child to adult.
Incidentally, you may find that after talking to a girl for some time, you lost interest in her. Then of course you can reject her. You should do this gracefully. For example:
"Well, it sure was nice meeting you. I really enjoyed talking to you, but I have to be off now."
Using Tunnel Vision for Dating Women
Tunnel Vision
A good mental trick you can play to reduce self-consciousness is to concentrate your interest on the girl and tune-out any awareness of other people. This is sometimes called tunnel vision. If you are a photographer you will understand that this is like using a zoom lens. You zoom into a telephoto view of the girl and cut all the other people out of the picture.
A reverse of this is to relax your interest completely so that the whole locality around you is seen as from a long way off, thus lacking detail. You are not allowing yourself to pay attention to anyone thing in your surroundings. In the photographic analogy you are zooming from telephoto to extreme wide angle. You can then let your attention alternate periodically between telephoto and wide angle, but never stopping for a normal angle view which would bring surrounding people into your field of interest. This whole concept may be too abstract for some readers to find useful. If so, I apologize and suggest you just skip it, but I think some readers will gain something from it.
Don't Assume She Wouldn't Be Interested
Often you will see a pretty girl at a party or other social activity (or at work) who seems to be very happy and involved with other men in conversation and enjoyable activities. You, as an outsider, may be inclined to assume she would not be interested in you, since she has plenty of interesting friends already.
This is a faulty line of reasoning. She may be only partially satisfied with her other friends. When she meets you, she may like you much more than them.
If you are attracted to a girl you should make a play for her.
She Will Admire Your Courage
If you think that by coming up uninvited and talking to a girl, you are making yourself look bad to her, you are dead wrong. It is exactly the opposite. It is quite an impressive act to her. You have shown courage and initiative.
She may still reject you for a number of other reasons ranging from her own self-consciousness to the fact she was involved with someone else, but your approaching her would be an actual plus in your favor.
Your Frame of Mind
To make a comparison with a football coach and his team, the "technical" moves we have just discussed are like the plays and tactics the coach shows his team on a blackboard. But the coach would also insist that you have to be mentally prepared. So, we now must work on your frame of mind. YOU MUST GET UP FOR THE GAME.
We have already discussed that you should decide if you really want to pick-up a girl. Any fears of complications should be examined and a definite decision made. Feelings of indecision are very distracting and may spoil your whole operation. If you decide to do it, then decide to really go through with the whole plan, with no second thoughts.
You Need to be Self-Confident with Women
Self-confidence is the most important factor in a man's courtship of a woman. It is important in all phases of courtship, regardless of how the couple meets. They may have begun with an introduction by a friend, by a contact through their work, a pick-up, or any other way. But self-confidence is always the most important asset a man can have when with a woman.
The lack of self-confidence is the reason many men sit at home and watch TV or spend their leisure time with old friends, when they would really like to be with a girl. If you are one of these men, it is time to do something about it.
Using Body Language to Attract Women
There are a number of body language moves, which are preliminary to, and part of, suggestions of sexual activity. The first is moving into intimate distance; your face is 18 inches, or closer, to hers. The second is physical contact, such as touching hands. A very effective signal of intimate interest is to lean close to the girl, look her in the eyes, and reach out and squeeze her hand.
Other less intimate gestures, which also tend toward intimacy are: affectionate nudges, squeezing her arm, and patting her hand to emphasize a point while you are talking. Stroking her hair, rubbing her hand, neck or arms are, of course, more intimate. Then, as you all know, there is kissing, which in turn leads up to petting. We shall stop the obvious progression at this point, since this is not a book on making love, only the communications leading up to it.
