EXAMPLE - Bob was going to a local health club three nights a week. He began to notice an extremely attractive girl there. When Bob was using the weight lifting apparatus, she usually did a long routine of dance exercises, stretching, calisthenics, and rode the exercise bikes. Besides her beauty, Bob became fascinated with her manner and confidence in body movements, and it became very difficult for him not to watch her exercise. He noticed that she always had a very expressionless look on her face. She never talked to anyone. She never looked up from her exercises and read a book while on the bike. It was obvious that she did not want to talk to anyone. However, every time their eyes met, she smiled and said, "Hi." Soon, Bob realized that she was starting to watch him exercise. At this point, Bob knew she was interested in him. He also could perceive that she was a very discriminating girl who could see through any "come-on."

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One Friday evening, Bob saw the girl at the club. They were alone in the exercise room, and he could sense her watching him. She probably also knew that he was watching her. When he was ready to leave, he picked up his sweats and was moving towards the door, timing it perfectly so that he walked right by her as she was walking away from the water cooler, he said, "Excuse me, what is your sport?" She responded very positively, all smiles and enthusiastic with the prospect of a conversation, "Well, I'm really not too involved in any one sport. I play tennis and ski, but not to any great extent."

"Are you involved in dance?" Bob probed.

"I was, but I quit about two years ago. I want to start up again though," she answered. Now she was trying to figure out where this would lead.

"You'll have to excuse me,” Bob went on. "I can't help but watch you go through your exercise routine because I'm so impressed with the confidence and grace that you move with. I'm involved in sports and it is so rare that I see someone that moves as well as you do." She was both startled and blushing with embarrassment. "I didn't mean to embarrass you," Bob said.

She finally said, "I'm flattered. Thank you."

The conversation continued for a minute or two longer and got back to a point where Bob could repeat his statement of how well she moved and how at ease she is with her body. She started to blush again, and Bob said, "I think I'd better just leave you with that compliment. See you again." And with that he walked out the door. He hadn't asked her name, her number, he hadn't asked her out on a date - nothing.

If he had done any of those things, he would have joined the club of every other guy in town. By doing exactly what he did, she was left bewildered, amazed, confused, and intrigued by someone who she thought would "come on" to her, but didn't.

The next time Bob saw her, he was just finishing his workout when she came in and got on the exercise bike. Her face was buried in a book when he came up to her. Before he could say anything, she looked up from her book with much enthusiasm and said, "Hi!"

Bob replied, "Hi. I'm through with my workout, and I'm so disappointed I didn't get to watch you. Have to run. See ya." And he walked away giving her a warm smile.

A few days later Bob was walking down the stairs to the exercise room and ran right into her. He was a bit unprepared, but said, "Hi how are you doing?" As he started to walk on, he hesitated and said, "By the way what is your name?"

"Pamela Jones," was her reply. Bob was repeating the name and nodding his approval of the sound of it, when she put out her hand and said, "I'm so glad to meet you Mr. Bob Reagan." They parted, and Bob was understandably shaken by her ingenuity and interest to find out his name. She had been checking up on him.

The next time they spoke, she was riding the bike and Bob came up to her as he was leaving. The conversation flowed along for about 15 minutes. Her enthusiasm and interest in continuing the talk was most evident. Finally, Bob said, "I really have to run. Let's get together sometime."

"I'd like that," was her enthusiastic reply.

Bob took the hint, and said, "Maybe we can get a bit to eat sometime after working out."

Again she gave a positive reply, "Great, then the next time I see you down here. See you soon."

Notice that still he didn't try to nail her down to a time and date, but gave her plenty of positive vibes to think about. He maintained a confidence and elusiveness that attracted her.

Finally, Bob walked into the club one night and ran into Pamela just as she was leaving. "Oh, hi. Just Leaving? Too bad, I just got here or I'd give you a lift. If you want to wait 45 minutes..." Bob let that trail off as he was half kidding anyway. 45 minutes later Bob came up to the lobby, and there was Pamela waiting for him.

They went out and got a bite to eat, and from there started a long relationship. Later when they talked about how they met, she confided that though she was initially attracted to Bob, it was the way they met that assured her that he was someone that she would be very interested in.

In this example Bob did many things right. 1) He didn't make a "come on." If he had asked her out right away, she wouldn't have been nearly as intrigued. 2) He did something that no one else ever had. He showed genuine interest in her as a person. He showed that he wanted to get to know her without appearing that his main motive was sexual. 3) His playing hard to get, elusive manner, suggested that he wasn't desperate for a date. In other words, other women must be in his life. 4) He allowed her to use her powers of seduction to catch him. 5) He was mysterious in his way of surprising her, and then walking away.