How Not to be Boring to Women

How Not to be Boring to Women

Don't be Boring to Women

It is very tempting in conversation for a man to take the easy path of talking at length about commonplace things instead of moving on to more vital personal matters, Shyness can contribute to such behavior. It would then appear to a girl that such a man was afraid to get personal. The overall impression would be of a dull, bland person, and chances are she would become bored and lose interest.

For example, take a man at a party: He sees a particularly attractive girl. He must get to know her better. He approaches.

• "Hi! I don't think we've met. I'm Jack Smith."
• "Well, hello. My name is Mary Jones."
• "You sure look great tonight, Mary."

"Thanks!" she says, and smiles back at him. She appears quite friendly toward him. He sits down on the sofa beside her, and asks:

"Are you a friend of Charlie's?" Charlie is the host.

"Yes, I knew him in college."

So he tells her how well he knew Charlie, and they swap stories about "Old Charlie." Then they talk about college life in general. Later they discuss Middle East politics, and then a theory he had heard for determining the age of rocks. After they have been talking about thirty minutes, she says:

"Excuse me, Jack, but I have to go out back for a moment."

She goes off in the direction of the bathroom. Later he sees her talking to other people in the next room. She doesn't come back to the sofa. Jack knows he has struck out.

This unhappy little drama is a too-frequent occurrence.

What did he do wrong? He just plain bored her to death. Up to the time he sat down with her everything was fine. She really seemed to welcome his attention. But he didn't do anything about it. He just talked on and on about those "safe" subjects. They were easy to talk about because they were impersonal. But she didn't come to the party to hear about those dry things.

What should he have done? He should have been bolder, and gotten personal with her. It was O.K. for a little small talk about "Old Charlie." Maybe five minutes worth. But then he should have made some personal moves toward her. She was probably expecting that he would. He could have given her a personal compliment about her figure or her legs, being sure to look directly at such parts while doing so. He might have drawn her out on some of her experiences in college - particularly personal things -and told some spicy stories out of his college days (but not his own exploits). He could have done any of the "personal" things we have mentioned in this book. Then she might have remained interested, at least, and hopefully impressed.

Why didn't he? Probably because he was afraid she might be offended if he became too personal. He didn't want to take the chance of being embarrassed if she took offense. But you have to take that chance. You have to stick your neck out a little, or you will get nowhere.