A Casual Approach (Can Be Humorous)

This is the low-key approach. No need to apologize, no big deal. It should be used when some small amount of common experience has been established, such as when a girl smiles and gives some encouragement to you. Or when you are waiting together for something. Or, if you have a humorous observation to make to the girl about herself, you, or any situation nearby. It is also a good follow-up approach after a request for help.

Examples:

"Hey! Where're you going?" (Said in a teasing manner).

"Is it O.K. if we walk along together?"

"Say! If I bet someone that I could get you to stop and talk to me, would I lose my bet?"

"Now there's a pretty picture," (dramatically, referring to the girl).

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" (pause) "If I'm real nice, if I'm a perfect gentleman, would you let me walk along with you?" (Or sit with you).

"It looks like you are (or have) ..." (Then comment on some obvious thing about the girl in a casual way).

Any humorous opening line is effective in a casual situation. Joking references to shortcomings in public services, transportation systems or any other commonly known feature are ideal. A good joke about any subject will work. TV and radio are a good source for humorous material.

Once, a friend approached us for advice. He worked with a lot of girls and two of them acted quite friendly towards him. One of the girls was attractive; the other was in his word, "beautiful." He was attracted to both of them, but he wondered if he should make his play for the beauty or play it safe with the other. He was even a little afraid that the beauty was out of his league.

Our advice was that if he made his first play for the beauty he would lose in both cases. The beauty obviously gets many offers. By coming on to her he would only establish himself as being no different than anyone else, and he would get as far as anyone else - nowhere. If he then went for the less attractive girl after getting turned down by the beauty, she would be saying, "You come around now after striking out with her. No thanks." We told him to make his first play for the less attractive girl - ask her out, be friendly with her at work. Our prediction was that this would shock the beauty so much that she would start pursuing him.

Three weeks later we saw him. He was so excited that he could hardly talk. "It happened just the way you said.” He told us. He was now dating the beauty and she had admitted that what attracted her was that everyone else "comes on" to her, but he hadn't. Not only that, but she was very effected by the other girl being so attracted to him. She had gotten jealous, and went out to get him.

This is a great example of reading a situation and picking the right woman according to the odds of success, and not just by primeval instincts. Even if the beauty had not come around, he would have been successful with the other girl. She would be amazed because he had pursued her, and not the beauty like every other guy. One course of action was a no win situation, the other had higher odds of success with both girls.

But actually this example gets a little ahead of ourselves. Most men don't have the problem of which two women to pick from. Surprisingly though, most men do have a problem in that they don't know how to pick a woman to pursue. Often, their choices of women is a cause of their failures. They are looking in the wrong places, picking the wrong women, and never even getting to first base. And this is a big problem that a lot of men are not even aware of.

Ask Her Open-Ended Questions

Some questions require only a yes/no or other short answer. Those are called "closed-ended" questions. The topless dancer answers. Then, unless more information is volunteered, the conversation goes nowhere. Generally, you elicit more interesting responses with "open-ended" questions. These essay-type questions encourage her to reveal facts, opinions, feelings. Focus on open-ended questions, which often start with "How....?" "Why....?" and "What?" If you ask closed-ended questions, you can invite the person to elaborate by following with questions like: "In what way?" "For example?" "How do you mean?"

Open-ended questions that often lead to rich conversations include:

"How did you get into this field?"
"Why did you decide to move here?"
"What do you like to do on your days off?"

This is one of the greatest places to pick up women. I'm going to be talking mainly about apartment swimming pools.

Here's the techniques I used successfully to meet women at the pool:

You're going to need some very important equipment. Your appearance is very important and you want to make a good impression upon entering the pool area. I would suggest wearing a pair of stylish swimming trunks. Gentleman's Quarterly, Penthouse and Playboy magazines offer some good examples. Undergear catalog offers a real good selection (call 1-800-854-2795 and request a catalog). Also, I'd suggest wearing some nice thongs, sun glasses, an unusual hat, and a Hawaiian or surfer shirt. The idea is to create that refined look and not to look like a bum.

Your most important item to bring with you is your ice chest. Stock it with an assortment of liquor. I'd suggest some beer, wine, coke, and pre-made mixed drinks that come in cans you can purchase at your local liquor store. Don't forget the plastic bar glasses! Also bring your inflatable air mattress and an extra one if possible, and a good-sounding radio.

OK, now you're looking the part and you've got all your attraction ammunition with you. Let's take it step by step using these proven techniques:

You've entered the pool area. Make a complete circle around the pool to check out the available women. While you're walking and you catch the eye of a female, instantly remark, "Hi" or "Hello" or "It sure is a pretty day isn't it?" If you get a response, keep walking and make a circle and come back to her. When you return ask her, "Can I join you?" Most likely she won't mind. Introduce yourself and offer her a drink. Turn on your radio and ask her if there's any particular station she would like to listen to. To establish some physical contact, ask her to rub some sun tan oil on your back. If you've played your cards right and turned on your charm and conversational skills, you should be on your way.

This is the no-nonsense approach. You tell her you want to meet her and go right to doing so. If you use this opening approach you should apologize first for taking the liberty. Examples:

"Excuse me, but I saw you walking by a moment ago (or a while ago) and I decided right then that I just had to meet you."

"Hi! I hope you don't mind my saying hello to you. I've really never met you, but if we waited for someone to introduce us, we would never meet. My name is…"

"You know, I'd like to meet you." (pause) "I wish we were at a party. Then I could come right up and introduce myself." (Pause as if thinking) "I know, let's pretend we are at a party. Hi, my name is ...What's yours?"

"Excuse me, but do you mind if I join you?" If the girl has no objections, this is fine. But if she seems embarrassed and uncomfortable, or if she says "No," you should back off a bit. You can say, "You know, I'm sorry for coming on strong like this. I hope I haven't embarrassed you too much, but I really would like to meet you, and I couldn't think of any other way." This should give her a chance to reconsider. If she doesn't invite you to join her then, you can try a little small talk and then ask her again.

With all these examples you should be ready with some "filler" talk to kill any awkward silences until the girl accepts the idea of your approaching her.

At the risk of redundancy, we would like to repeat that if you do nothing else, be seen with women. Don't ever underestimate the effect that it will have with how women perceive you. Women are always willing to take another woman's word for it. In other words, "Gee, if she finds him attractive, he must be a hot item."

The reverse is also true. You may think it is noble when the girls of your dreams comes along to let her know that you have been waiting for her alone at home, but that's not how she's going to see it. Women are going to perceive someone who is not involved with other women as being boring. After all, if he isn't involved with other women, he must not have anything going for him.

Before we go on to the next chapter, we want to touch on the person, improve. And that the only thing that should change is not you, but your image. Your image should change to more honestly portray the real you. And it should portray you in a way that women find attractive.

People are also very resistant to any suggestion that they be phony, or try to be something they are not. We hear people say, "If I have to be something I'm not, then I'm not interested," or, "You just have to be yourself, and that should be good enough." This type of attitude is nothing more than an excuse for laziness. These people are playing games with semantics because they don't want to admit that like everything else in life, you have to work at being successful with women.

We are advocating that you improve yourself to be more attractive to women. There are hundreds of "self-improvement" books on the market today, and if that tells us one thing, it tells us that improving one's self is accepted behavior.

What to Say to Her Next

After you've introduced yourself to a topless dancer and exchanged names, in most social situations you can make a remark in which you do two things:

1. Pay her a compliment. Express something you like about what she is doing, wearing or saying. The feeling you seek to convey is, "I'm positive. I support you. You can relax with me."

2. Ask a question. It should be related to the compliment you just gave. Your underlying message: "I'm interested in getting to know you better." For example, you might say: "Those are beautiful earrings. Are they handcrafted?" or "You sure are a good dancer. How did you learn all those sexy moves?"