Small Talk

Usually, at this early stage of the encounter, you are engaged in small talk, and just about anything is O.K. so long as it flows. It is usually not a good idea to rush into a personal approach right after meeting the girl, particularly if she hasn't warmed to you. You do not know each other well enough yet. That is why small talk should be I used for a while as a transition. You should try to spend some time just chatting casually while you become better acquainted.

This is where feedback is important. The girl may show a warm response to you very early in the encounter. Then you can advance out of small talk and right into a more personal line of conversation. Of course compliments and small talk can be worked into the conversation again, at later times in the encounter, whenever it is appropriate to do so. But a word of warning: Don't engage in conversation for a long period of time, talking only small talk. The girl may find you boring. Your feedback should tell you when it is time to become more personal.

EXAMPLE - A friend was having a party, and the day before the party, he went to a neighborhood swimming pool to try to find some friends to let them know about it. While there, he sat down to talk to someone he knew and noticed a very attractive girl who he had been trying to meet for some time. After a while, the girl and two friends got up from their chairs and went to swim laps. He got a piece of paper and wrote: "Party Friday Night, Drinks are Free, Bring Something to Eat, (His Phone Number), Call for Directions." He put the note on her chair and left the pool.

Sure enough, he got a call that evening from a very curious and intrigued girl. She asked who he was, and what he had been wearing at the pool. When he told her, she remembered him, and was very positive. Finally, she asked, "Do you always leave notes on chairs?"

His reply was a great example of shocking a girl with the truth. "No, I did that because I wanted to meet you, and if I'd gone up to you and told you that I had a big party for you to come to, you'd have thought that I was handing you the oldest line in the book. So I left the note. I was banking on you being curious enough to call and come to the party."

Indeed, she did come to the party with two of her girlfriends, and he had all evening to get to know her.

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Animate Your Listening

She can't read your mind, but she can read your face to get a clue of your reactions. Look at yourself in a mirror and imagine things that make you sad, happy, astonished, shocked. Exaggerate your expressions - try so hard that every facial muscle feels strained!

Experiment with every feeling you think may come up in a conversation - respect, admiration, sympathy. As you become more used to expressing your emotions this way, you will feel less as though you are overdoing it, and you will better convey your feelings.

Learn To Change The Topic

Learning how to gracefully change the topic is one of the best ways of keeping a conversation going. It also provides an opportunity for you and her to find areas of mutual interest.

A Flowing Conversation

A good conversation flows in and out of several topics. People jump from point to point. A remark may spur a recollection about a completely different matter. Then the talk may naturally flow back to the original topic. You shouldn't feel that you have to completely exhaust all the possibilities of one topic before proceeding to the next.

SWM, 34, very handsome, slender hot potato, recently dropped (vocation - gigolo), needs to be rescued by unattached female who needs permanent outside diversion. No monetary obligation.

SWM, 30, very handsome, slender Catholic needs mature church-going female (20-35, attractive, slender) for lasting and loving relationship. Must be into group functions, wafers, and early morning mass.

SWM, 28, very handsome, slender, who flunked Disco and Bars 101, seeking attractive, slender, affectionate female (20-30), for the usual reasons.

SWM, very handsome, affectionate, muscular , 25, need female companionship (20-30, attractive, romantic, slender) for moviegoing, dancing, warm friendship and finishing all my left­overs.

SWM, 34, nice-looking, slender, would like to meet female of same marital status (25-45, handsome, slender) for "war story" exchange and soothing battle scars.

Has this ever happened to you? You just meet this hot & sexy beautiful single woman and you agree to meet for dinner at a local restaurant.
You're all pumped up to see this girl again and you're hoping this meeting will lead to some romance and a potential relationship.
You arrive right on time at the time you both agreed upon. And you're waiting and waiting for her to show up. Ten minutes goes by...then twenty minutes...then thirty minutes.
What should you do? Leave in a fit of anger and never see her again? Call her up later and cuss her out?
Here are my recommendations:
1. Never wait more than 30 minutes for a date to show up.
2. Give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she has a valid excuse for not showing up such as traffic, sudden illness, emergency at home, problems with her kids, car trouble, etc.
3. Call her the next day and see if she offers an explanation. When you first call, act like nothing happened and let her bring up the subject of your dinner date first. If she offers no explanation, then do not pursue this woman. She may have purposely not showed up because she has no interest in you.
4. You can try another tactic that could make her not feel so bad about not showing up. Just tell her you're sorry you didn't show up for your dinner date because you had a personal issue to take care of. This may be a little white lie, but it takes the pressure off of her. Just reschedule another meeting.
5. Whatever you do, don't call her up and start cussing her out. This serves no purpose and there are some single women out there that enjoy making men upset by standing them up.
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I would suggest rescheduling another meeting for dinner. If she doesn't want to, then just take the hint (she's really telling you that she's not interested in you). If she agrees to meet you again and doesn't show up again, then forget about her. Don't let a woman humiliate you twice.
In closing, remember that being stood up is part of the dating game. It happens to everybody. Don't let it get you down. Let it be a lesson...if a single woman stands you up on purpose, then you don't want to be with a woman who is not interested in you anyway.

In the last ten years or so, much work has been done in this new field of personal communication. Basically body language concerns the message a person sends to others, either consciously or unconsciously, by the movement or placement of various parts of the body.

Now it is realized that many actions of the body, previously considered of no real significance, play an important part in interpersonal communication. It is of great interest that many such actions are not made deliberately, and the persons seeing them do not realize that they are being influenced by them. But the message is transmitted nonetheless.

A typical example is a man talking to another person and standing back a little with his arms folded in front of his chest. He is subconsciously setting his arms as a barrier between him and the other person. By these actions he is saying, "I am thinking about it. I am not ready to make a commitment." His position is speculative.

The same man may later reach a point in the encounter when his attitude is no longer speculative but becomes positive. He will then drop his arms and tend to lean toward the other person. He is now making a commitment.

The other person sees these actions, and they combine with and emphasize the actual words the man is saying. However the other person is usually not consciously aware of noting the actions.

A friend once told us that just as he was getting into the checkout line at a grocery store, an attractive girl walked by him on her way to the produce section. She got in line directly behind him with one banana in her hand. He did not look at her until his food was being checked through.

He looked at the girl and said, "One banana?"

She shrugged her shoulders, not really giving an explanation, as she found herself on the spot.

Just then, the attractive checkout girl said, "Will that be all for you?"

He looked at the checkout girls and said, "No." Then, looking at the girl behind him, he picked up the banana, put it on the scale, and said, "Let me get that for you."

The checkout girl rang it into his total, and he paid the bill. The checkout girls were in stitches at the spontaneity of the event. The girl was stammering at such an unexpected gesture. Even a young woman back in line was watching and laughing with approval of someone being so friendly, witty, and original. At this point, our friend turned to accept the girl's thanks, then turned back to the checkout girl and gave her a smile, acknowledged the young woman's verbal appreciation of his gallantry, and finally, gathered his groceries to make a slow exit, so no one would think that he was trying to chase down the girl with the banana to put the hustle on her.

He got three girls' undivided attention and interest, and it cost him a total of 13 cents. A spontaneous action that told three girls that he is an interesting, clever person that they would like to meet.