Once, a friend approached us for advice. He worked with a lot of girls and two of them acted quite friendly towards him. One of the girls was attractive; the other was in his word, "beautiful." He was attracted to both of them, but he wondered if he should make his play for the beauty or play it safe with the other. He was even a little afraid that the beauty was out of his league.

Our advice was that if he made his first play for the beauty he would lose in both cases. The beauty obviously gets many offers. By coming on to her he would only establish himself as being no different than anyone else, and he would get as far as anyone else - nowhere. If he then went for the less attractive girl after getting turned down by the beauty, she would be saying, "You come around now after striking out with her. No thanks." We told him to make his first play for the less attractive girl - ask her out, be friendly with her at work. Our prediction was that this would shock the beauty so much that she would start pursuing him.

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Three weeks later we saw him. He was so excited that he could hardly talk. "It happened just the way you said.” He told us. He was now dating the beauty and she had admitted that what attracted her was that everyone else "comes on" to her, but he hadn't. Not only that, but she was very effected by the other girl being so attracted to him. She had gotten jealous, and went out to get him.

This is a great example of reading a situation and picking the right woman according to the odds of success, and not just by primeval instincts. Even if the beauty had not come around, he would have been successful with the other girl. She would be amazed because he had pursued her, and not the beauty like every other guy. One course of action was a no win situation, the other had higher odds of success with both girls.

But actually this example gets a little ahead of ourselves. Most men don't have the problem of which two women to pick from. Surprisingly though, most men do have a problem in that they don't know how to pick a woman to pursue. Often, their choices of women is a cause of their failures. They are looking in the wrong places, picking the wrong women, and never even getting to first base. And this is a big problem that a lot of men are not even aware of.

This is the preferred method for meeting topless dancers. Offer to buy her a drink instead of a table dance. When you buy a dancer a drink she will at least feel obligated to sit with you and talk. This is the key. Establish as much contact as possible - laughing, talking, flirting, having a good time with you. You've got to establish a friendship first and keep her mind off of making money off of you and treating you like a customer. Always buy drinks instead of table dances, if possible. If you just buy a dance, she's not likely to stay and talk to you very long because she will want to leave and go make some money. At least by buying her drinks she is more inclined to stay with you so you can start putting your moves on her.

At some point after you buy her drinks, she's going to hit you up for a table dance. Don't hold this against her, this is how she makes her money. Here's what your reply should be: "There's nothing more I would love than to have you dance for me but I do not want to be just another customer, I'm more interested in getting to know you better and become your friend. Look, I know the ropes of your business and I understand this is how you make your money, so if you need to leave and make some money I understand. Why don't you come back over here with me and party after you make some money?"

If she does come back over to you to be with you, things really look promising. This shows she's interested in you. If she doesn't come back, this may indicate that she's just interested in making money and not you.

While doing research for a book I wrote I interviewed women in nightclubs on the subject of what turns them off in clubs when it comes to men. Here are their answers:

Robin - " One who comes right up in your face with bad breath. A man with bad body odor and wrinkled clothes. Takes things for granted and sits down without asking. One who comes on too strong."
Kerry - "One who thinks he's a good dancer, but steps all over your feet."
Erika - "The overly flashy type man. A man who treats me like a piece of meat."
Valerie - "A man that acts dumb. He shows off in front of everybody. He thinks he's real cute. Cares more about himself than he does about you. Also, he comes right up to you with bad breath."
Paula - "A show off, a man that thinks he's really something special, a guy dressed tacky, or a bum, or a fast mover."
Susan - "A drunk, stubborn man. Some men insist that you dance with them even if you say no. That turns me off."
Gail - "A very forward, especially drunk, insistent man."
Debbie - "A fat, drunk man. A man who thinks that he is macho."
Erin - "A low mouth man."
Sandra - "Too feminine and doesn't dress masculine. A fat man. A man that is not a good listener."
Karen - If he's too suggestive, dresses too fancy (don't like suits), and too drunk."
Kim - "A guy that's too pushy and brags too much on himself."
Nicole - "A guy that's too forward and obnoxious."
Barbara - "Faggots and ugly men."
Nancy - "A drunk and untidy man."
Natalie - "A cocky snob (stuck up). A frump.
Gayle - "Short and fat. Real conceited guys who think they are God's gift to women."
Peggy - "A man I don't even know that fondles me and paws at my body. A real drunk guy that stumbles up to me and tries to hustle me or dance with me. Obese men."
Teresa - "The type that lie and sit around and brag about themselves. They think they are hot stuff."

If the girl is very attractive, you can stop her by saying, "Excuse me, I know I don't have the right to stop you like this, but you look really great, and I just thought I'd like to stop you to express my admiration." She may act a bit coy, and even try to squirm away.

You should follow up with, "No, I really mean it. I'm quite sincere. It's not every day a man sees someone as pretty as you. In fact I really would like to meet you. My name is... What's yours?" This works best if the admiration is sincere; the girl usually knows if she really is beautiful. Then what you say is believable. If you said it to a plain girl, she would probably know you were using insincere flattery. She might go for it anyway, but personally I couldn't pull off a snow job like that.

At the risk of redundancy, we would like to repeat that if you do nothing else, be seen with women. Don't ever underestimate the effect that it will have with how women perceive you. Women are always willing to take another woman's word for it. In other words, "Gee, if she finds him attractive, he must be a hot item."

The reverse is also true. You may think it is noble when the girls of your dreams comes along to let her know that you have been waiting for her alone at home, but that's not how she's going to see it. Women are going to perceive someone who is not involved with other women as being boring. After all, if he isn't involved with other women, he must not have anything going for him.

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Before we go on to the next chapter, we want to touch on the person, improve. And that the only thing that should change is not you, but your image. Your image should change to more honestly portray the real you. And it should portray you in a way that women find attractive.

People are also very resistant to any suggestion that they be phony, or try to be something they are not. We hear people say, "If I have to be something I'm not, then I'm not interested," or, "You just have to be yourself, and that should be good enough." This type of attitude is nothing more than an excuse for laziness. These people are playing games with semantics because they don't want to admit that like everything else in life, you have to work at being successful with women.

We are advocating that you improve yourself to be more attractive to women. There are hundreds of "self-improvement" books on the market today, and if that tells us one thing, it tells us that improving one's self is accepted behavior.

The best way to flirt is to look at her long enough to make it clear that you acknowledge her presence and then immediately look away. This sends her the message, "I know you are there and I would not dream of invading your privacy. The key to success in flirting with topless dancers is to keep looking at her off and on until you establish some meaningful eye contact and exchange warm smiles.

Some guys go to topless clubs and don't even flirt with the dancers. If they meet a dancer they stare into space, look down, and don't even hardly look at the dancer in the eyes. If you're like this, make it a point to start flirting with every dancer in sight. It's a good way to attract and meet topless dancers.

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Robin - "To be approached by a polite, neatly-dressed, sincere guy."
Kerry - "He asks me, "Would you like to dance?" A man that talks a little first, before we dance."
Erika - "For a man to ask me to dance and not to assume automatically that I'll dance with him."
Valeria - "I like to be approached by a man with good manners. A man that is well-dressed and has a personality.
Paula - "I like for him to just come up to me and ask me if I want to dance. That's all it takes."
Susan - "Ask if I would like to dance and if I like him, I'll keep dancing, if he will keep asking."
Gail - "All he has to do is ask me to dance."
Debbie - "Any approach is OK, as long as he doesn't try to put his hands all over my body."
Erin - "By a man that's not too forward."
Sandra - "A very friendly man with no lines. Someone original and witty; doesn't come on with phony compliments."
Karen - "I like for them to say, "Hi" and ask me to dance."
Kim - "He asks me to dance. A guy that walks up to me and starts up a conversation. Line are OK."
Nicole - "All he has to do is ask me to dance."
Barbara - "To be treated like a lady. Not too pushy and not too fast."
Nancy - "A guy with a witty approach. Full of compliments."
Natalie - "I like for them to ask me to dance."
Gayle - "Just a straight, down-to-earth approach, with no B.S. lines."
Peggy - "A gentleman's approach. To treat me like a lady. I don't like the "Baby do you wanna dance" approach."
Teresa - "I like a guy who is sure of himself when he approaches me. A guy who knows what he's doing."

Another way is to state the obvious, by saying, "Excuse me for stopping you, but I noticed you walking along and decided I'd like to meet you. I hope you don't mind my being so forward, but I believe that if you want something you should come right out and ask. Don't you agree?" All this should be said convincingly and sincerely. This should not be hard; it is the truth anyway.

If you get any kind of satisfactory answer, you can follow up with, "Anyway, my name is..., what's yours?"

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This type of approach can be applied with your “noticing the girl walking along" as she approaches you, and then with your speaking to her as you come together. But it also works very well if you let her get right past you and then double back, come up behind her, and make your approach. Sometimes you may not decide to make an approach until after she has passed. Don't worry, this is fine; you can go back and catch up with her. What you say is still valid – in fact it is even better. It allows some time lapse, and she feels gratified that she made such an impression that you had to come after her. The wording of your approach should be a bit different if you go back after her.

You should say, "Excuse me, but I saw you walking by a minute ago and I decided right then that I had to meet you. I hope you don't mind. ...etc." It often happens that she gives you a friendly glance as she passes which prompts you to go back after her. Then you can be sure she will welcome your approach. But even if she doesn't give you a glance of encouragement, you should still follow up if you are attracted.

Charm is a pleasing presentation of your personality. People who are around someone with charm feel an excitement and an enjoyment of being with them. Women are most definitely drawn to a man with "charm."

HINT #1 - When you are with a girls, make sure that your body language is open and comfortable to her. Make sure that your eye contact is on her and not darting around the room. Make sure your facial expression is one of enjoyment in being where you are and doing what you are doing.

HINT #2 - Keep the conversation directed at her. Avoid talking about yourself. Keep asking her questions about her job, her education, her love life, where she lives, anything to keep the conversation directed at her interests. She will feel comfortable with a topic that she knows something about and will be flattered by your interest in her.

HINT #3 - Notice things about her: Her new hairdo, her new clothes, her glasses, the books she is carrying - anything that will show her you are observant, sensitive, and interested in her and things that she is interested in.

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HINT #4 - Don't be moody, boring, dull, or too serious. Women want men to lift their spirits - not drown them.

HINT #5 - Be happy and positive about yourself. It will rub off on her.

HINT #6 - If a girl comes over to your house, don't just say, "Oh hi. Come on in." Better to say, "Hi! Come in. Here, sit down. Can I get you something? Would you like a drink? Some tea? Let me show you the pictures I took at the beach last weekend." In other words, be moving. Be vibrant and enthusiastic about her, yourself, and the moment you are in.

HINT #7 - Besides being seen with women, it is important to be seen with people in general. If people see you with lots of friends, they will conclude that you are an enjoyable, positive person that must possess a charm that attracts others.

Be sure and flirt with the topless dancers in every situation. She can be walking by, sitting at your table, on the stage, etc. Let her know you noticed her and are attracted to her. Develop a very sexy looking gleam in your eye along with a warm smile as described above. Literally try to melt a dancer with your eyes. Practice this special look in your mirror and use it to meet dancers.

If you make eye contact with a dancer across the way and she turns away, don't get discouraged. Keep trying to make eye contact and smile at her. If she smiles back, motion for her to come over and join you. If she comes over after smiling at you, this could indicate that she's interested in meeting you. Make sure that when you're flirting that you do not stare. This is rather impolite and most people don't like to be stared at. The dancers don't mind when you stare when they're dancing because this is to be expected. Otherwise, they would feel uncomfortable by you staring at them.