When I was writing my book on how to pick up women in nightclubs, I interviewed several women in nightclubs about what turned them on about men in clubs. Here was their answers:

Robin - "A neat dresser, nice-looking, a man that treats me with respect."
Kerry - "A very well-dressed man and has very good manners."
Erika - "Good-looking, a good dancer, dressed nice, and has good character."
Valerie - "A man that lets you know you are wanted. He tries his best to make you happy. He acts like a gentleman. Good dancer." Paula - "A shy, not too direct guy, but he knows what he's doing."
Susan - "A well-mannered, well-dressed man. A man that doesn't ask too many questions."
Gail - "One with a gentlemen's approach, perhaps to ask for a dance and then later offering to buy me a drink. Certainly not a man who has already had one to many."
Debbie - "Good-looking guy with a good personality."
Erin - "A sophisticated man with a lot of class and money."
Sandra - "A congenial man (no stud). He knows he's good-looking and doesn't have to fish for compliments. No fatty, I like a nice body."
Karen - "I like tall men and I like a couple of buttons unbuttoned on his shirt. Shape of man important - not fat, but not too skinny. I like a man with neat-looking hair, not too long or too short."
Kim - "A guy that likes to dance, a good conversationalist, and a neat dresser."
Nicole - "A guy that acts natural. He doesn't come on with a bunch of lines. He just acts like himself and doesn't try to put up a big front."
Barbara - "A good-looking man that's a sharp dresser. A plain-looking guy is OK too, if he has a pleasing personality."
Nancy - "Easy to get along with, physically attractive, and a good personality."
Natalie - "A guy that's real friendly with a warm personality. Personality more important than looks."
Gayle - "Someone with a pretty good personality. Someone that seems sincere and honest."
Peggy - "Nice-looking, can dance good, and intelligent."
Teresa - "A nice, friendly man. Talkative and shows interest in me and gives me a lot of attention. Looks aren't important."

You will probably have noticed that we are suggesting a lot of talking during the FIRST PHASE of "moving" situations (other than when requesting help). We believe this is best, since you are often in a tenuous situation. You have managed to stop the girl, but she may be uneasy, a bit embarrassed, and inclined to go on her way to prevent further embarrassment. However, as long as you keep talking, she feels compelled to remain and listen. Your talking has a soothing effect, and after a little while she will settle down and be more at ease. It is good for you to talk with a rambling style of sentence structure, inviting comments from her, and try to stimulate her to relate to what you are saying. This should be done after your opening line, but before you introduce yourself.

You cannot be a man of few words in this situation (not usually). You should be prepared to carry the initiative for a while. That is, keep it rolling. If you dry up after saying just a few words, there will be an awkward silence, and she will be gone. Words are the lubricant that keeps the FIRST PHASE of the pick-up operation rolling. You should have a good supply ready. Clichés are just fine for this purpose. Just about anything is O.K., but a good idea is to hover around the subject of justifying your pick-up attempt.

Once, a friend approached us for advice. He worked with a lot of girls and two of them acted quite friendly towards him. One of the girls was attractive; the other was in his word, "beautiful." He was attracted to both of them, but he wondered if he should make his play for the beauty or play it safe with the other. He was even a little afraid that the beauty was out of his league.

Our advice was that if he made his first play for the beauty he would lose in both cases. The beauty obviously gets many offers. By coming on to her he would only establish himself as being no different than anyone else, and he would get as far as anyone else - nowhere. If he then went for the less attractive girl after getting turned down by the beauty, she would be saying, "You come around now after striking out with her. No thanks." We told him to make his first play for the less attractive girl - ask her out, be friendly with her at work. Our prediction was that this would shock the beauty so much that she would start pursuing him.

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Three weeks later we saw him. He was so excited that he could hardly talk. "It happened just the way you said.” He told us. He was now dating the beauty and she had admitted that what attracted her was that everyone else "comes on" to her, but he hadn't. Not only that, but she was very effected by the other girl being so attracted to him. She had gotten jealous, and went out to get him.

This is a great example of reading a situation and picking the right woman according to the odds of success, and not just by primeval instincts. Even if the beauty had not come around, he would have been successful with the other girl. She would be amazed because he had pursued her, and not the beauty like every other guy. One course of action was a no win situation, the other had higher odds of success with both girls.

But actually this example gets a little ahead of ourselves. Most men don't have the problem of which two women to pick from. Surprisingly though, most men do have a problem in that they don't know how to pick a woman to pursue. Often, their choices of women is a cause of their failures. They are looking in the wrong places, picking the wrong women, and never even getting to first base. And this is a big problem that a lot of men are not even aware of.

This is the preferred method for meeting topless dancers. Offer to buy her a drink instead of a table dance. When you buy a dancer a drink she will at least feel obligated to sit with you and talk. This is the key. Establish as much contact as possible - laughing, talking, flirting, having a good time with you. You've got to establish a friendship first and keep her mind off of making money off of you and treating you like a customer. Always buy drinks instead of table dances, if possible. If you just buy a dance, she's not likely to stay and talk to you very long because she will want to leave and go make some money. At least by buying her drinks she is more inclined to stay with you so you can start putting your moves on her.

At some point after you buy her drinks, she's going to hit you up for a table dance. Don't hold this against her, this is how she makes her money. Here's what your reply should be: "There's nothing more I would love than to have you dance for me but I do not want to be just another customer, I'm more interested in getting to know you better and become your friend. Look, I know the ropes of your business and I understand this is how you make your money, so if you need to leave and make some money I understand. Why don't you come back over here with me and party after you make some money?"

If she does come back over to you to be with you, things really look promising. This shows she's interested in you. If she doesn't come back, this may indicate that she's just interested in making money and not you.

While doing research for a book I wrote I interviewed women in nightclubs on the subject of what turns them off in clubs when it comes to men. Here are their answers:

Robin - " One who comes right up in your face with bad breath. A man with bad body odor and wrinkled clothes. Takes things for granted and sits down without asking. One who comes on too strong."
Kerry - "One who thinks he's a good dancer, but steps all over your feet."
Erika - "The overly flashy type man. A man who treats me like a piece of meat."
Valerie - "A man that acts dumb. He shows off in front of everybody. He thinks he's real cute. Cares more about himself than he does about you. Also, he comes right up to you with bad breath."
Paula - "A show off, a man that thinks he's really something special, a guy dressed tacky, or a bum, or a fast mover."
Susan - "A drunk, stubborn man. Some men insist that you dance with them even if you say no. That turns me off."
Gail - "A very forward, especially drunk, insistent man."
Debbie - "A fat, drunk man. A man who thinks that he is macho."
Erin - "A low mouth man."
Sandra - "Too feminine and doesn't dress masculine. A fat man. A man that is not a good listener."
Karen - If he's too suggestive, dresses too fancy (don't like suits), and too drunk."
Kim - "A guy that's too pushy and brags too much on himself."
Nicole - "A guy that's too forward and obnoxious."
Barbara - "Faggots and ugly men."
Nancy - "A drunk and untidy man."
Natalie - "A cocky snob (stuck up). A frump.
Gayle - "Short and fat. Real conceited guys who think they are God's gift to women."
Peggy - "A man I don't even know that fondles me and paws at my body. A real drunk guy that stumbles up to me and tries to hustle me or dance with me. Obese men."
Teresa - "The type that lie and sit around and brag about themselves. They think they are hot stuff."

If the girl is very attractive, you can stop her by saying, "Excuse me, I know I don't have the right to stop you like this, but you look really great, and I just thought I'd like to stop you to express my admiration." She may act a bit coy, and even try to squirm away.

You should follow up with, "No, I really mean it. I'm quite sincere. It's not every day a man sees someone as pretty as you. In fact I really would like to meet you. My name is... What's yours?" This works best if the admiration is sincere; the girl usually knows if she really is beautiful. Then what you say is believable. If you said it to a plain girl, she would probably know you were using insincere flattery. She might go for it anyway, but personally I couldn't pull off a snow job like that.

At the risk of redundancy, we would like to repeat that if you do nothing else, be seen with women. Don't ever underestimate the effect that it will have with how women perceive you. Women are always willing to take another woman's word for it. In other words, "Gee, if she finds him attractive, he must be a hot item."

The reverse is also true. You may think it is noble when the girls of your dreams comes along to let her know that you have been waiting for her alone at home, but that's not how she's going to see it. Women are going to perceive someone who is not involved with other women as being boring. After all, if he isn't involved with other women, he must not have anything going for him.

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Before we go on to the next chapter, we want to touch on the person, improve. And that the only thing that should change is not you, but your image. Your image should change to more honestly portray the real you. And it should portray you in a way that women find attractive.

People are also very resistant to any suggestion that they be phony, or try to be something they are not. We hear people say, "If I have to be something I'm not, then I'm not interested," or, "You just have to be yourself, and that should be good enough." This type of attitude is nothing more than an excuse for laziness. These people are playing games with semantics because they don't want to admit that like everything else in life, you have to work at being successful with women.

We are advocating that you improve yourself to be more attractive to women. There are hundreds of "self-improvement" books on the market today, and if that tells us one thing, it tells us that improving one's self is accepted behavior.