Many single men are hesitant to pick up a girl because they are fearful that they may be placing themselves in a situation where they might lose control of events.
Take a man who is a little unsure of his own strength of will. In a pick-up, he will make a personal commitment to a girl who is a complete stranger. She may be a very strong willed person who is capable of dominating him. He may not want to be dominated.
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Were he to meet that girl under other circumstances he might feel that he could make a better judgment of the girl before he committed himself in a personal way. But he should realize that he really can disengage himself from the girl at any time; if he wants to. Particularly is he has not made any specific promises to her.
Another situation might be that the man possesses a very sympathetic nature, and fears that if a girl became too dependent on him, she might be difficult to disengage. But, here again, he should make no promises that might tie him down later. And if he sees problems ahead, he should get out before he gets in too deeply.

Often in forming an image of someone, people are very closed minded. They don't use all of the information at hand. They have a preconception of what they want that person to be, and they only look for things that will verify that. This is true of racial bigotry, of people bound and determined to hate the boss, of Democrats listening to a Republican candidate speak (or vice versa), and even in everyday social activity. How many men have ignored the fact that a girl is a bitch because she is large-breasted and blonde?

The point of all this is that how you see yourself may be different from how others see you. And in your quest for success with women, it is very important that you find out how others perceive you. In order to do this, you must become very honest with yourself. You must listen to what people are saying to you. You must observe how people react towards you. You must analyze the feedback you get from people. Is it positive and consistent with what you expect to receive, or is it negative and different from what you should be receiving?

In other words, you may think of yourself as being a pretty sophisticated guy. After all, you have a PhD in English literature. But since you dress in coveralls, everyone thinks you are a hick, and this discrepancy in who you really are and how people perceive you mean you will not receive the credit you are due from others. Now if you are a hermit living alone out in the wilderness, you don't care about others, you know who you are and that's all that matters - then fine. But, if you are in the real world, you want to receive respect and credit from others, and specifically, you want to achieve success with women, then you must be infinitely aware of how people perceive you, and how you can present yourself so that the image others have is consistent with the real you.

This article is an excerpt from our best-selling book, "A Man's Guide to Women" at:
http://www.getgirls.com/manguide.htm

Unfortunately, you're going to run into this type in the topless clubs. Don't even think about trying to pick them up. You're just wasting your time. They have no intentions in dating any of the men that come to the club. They will lead you on and make you think that they are crazy about you, sit in your lap, kiss you and be all lovey-dovey towards you. It's all an act. You will think to yourself, "Wow! I'm going to get laid tonight." And in the mean time you're dishing out money buying her drinks and paying for table dances. She is just using you and all she sees when she looks at you is dollar signs.
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Be sure and read Chapter Eight on how to tell if a topless dancer is interested in you. This is a great guideline that will tell you if she's putting on an act or if she really likes you and attracted to you. This can prevent you from becoming a fool and parting with your hard earned money with nothing in return. If you determine that a dancer is just a teaser, she will be real easy to get rid of, just stop buying her drinks and don't buy any table dances. She will leave and move on to the next fool who will fall for her act and devious ways.

Unfortunately, these type of people exist in all phases of life and you will see your share of them in the nightclubs.
This woman is a stuck up snob and thinks she's hot stuff. She walks around the club with her nose up in the air. If you try to stop her and talk to her, she just ignores you and keeps on walking. This is very annoying to us men. It wouldn't hurt her to be friendly and talk to you. Also, out on the dance floor she will be constantly looking at herself in the mirrors, if there happen to be mirrors on the dance floor. She loves looking at herself.
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The egotists are difficult to approach because they think they are too good for you. Don't let this discourage you though. At least make an attempt to meet her and if you fail, there are usually plenty of friendly women to meet. Myself, I'll take a friendly woman over a snob any day.

You've tried a few pick-ups but have gotten rejected, or brushed aside, immediately, and you don't know why. Perhaps your opening moves weren't positive enough. Perhaps you accepted the rejection too easily; you have to be a little persistent. Perhaps you chose a girl who simply didn't want to be picked up; there are many like that. Don't worry; your performance should improve after you learn some more.
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The BIG Problem. Lack of Confidence. You just can't pluck up the courage to try. Probably your fears are based on the knowledge that you have problems in some (or all) of the five areas already mentioned. Or you may be affected by shyness or an unreasonable fear of rejection.

A person's image is a difficult thing to define. When someone forms an image of another person, it is a mental picture, conception, or impression of that person. This impression is formed using the information at hand. Your voice, the things you say, the way you walk, the color of your hair, your height, build, your clothes, your grooming, your behavior, anything and everything can be used by someone to form an opinion of you. But, any one man has many different images. Different people have different images of him, and all of these images may be completely different from how he perceives himself. For example, people who see Bob riding with his motorcycle gang on weekends have a different image of him than formed by people who see him at work as an accountant.

But let's discuss a more typical example. Let's put Ron at a party. He is, for the most part, average in looks and dress with respect to the other people there. At one point in the party, he is talking to three girls. They are interested in what he has to say and are standing around him. To other people at the party, Ron appears to be quite the lady's man. He must be an interesting, attractive, sexy guy or these women wouldn't be hanging around him. Women are thinking, "Gee, how can I meet him?" Later on, Ron has gone for a drink, everyone else is locked in conversation, and he stands by the fireplace alone, content to listen to music and observe the others at the party. At this moment, a late arrival enters the room and sees Ron. She is thinking, "Boy, everyone else is talking to someone, and this guy is standing here alone. He must not be found attractive by anyone. I'll take their word for it and decide he's unattractive too." The same person, the same clothes, the same night, and two completely different perceptions formed.

There's a false stigma associated with topless dancers. And that is that a lot of topless dancers are prostitutes. This is just not true. Don't get me wrong. There are topless dancers that sell their bodies. But, the numbers are few, especially in the upscale clubs.

The dancers already make good money and feel that selling their body is beneath them. Plus, it would be too risky. There are undercover vice cops that go to topless clubs to solicit prostitutes. I can't control what you do, but don't pay for sex. It's not worth it and in this day and age of all the diseases it's too risky. Sure, you can wear a condom, but what if it breaks or worse, it comes off?

If a dancer is selling her body and sleeping with a lot of men, what does this say about her character and self-worth? Don't lower yourself by having anything to do with a dancer if you find out she's a prostitute.

Just like there are many shy men at nightclubs, there are just as many shy women. The shy woman is easy to spot. Shy women will tend to sit where they won't be noticed, like in the corner or in the back of the club, away from all the prowling males.

Some are even too shy to dance, so if you ask this woman to dance and she says no, it may just be because she's too shy to dance and not because she's rejecting you. In this case, try to strike up a conversation with her. If this fails, move on.

This woman will show her shyness in various ways. Below are just a few examples:

1. While talking to you, her eyes will glance off to side or down towards the floor. Shy women have difficulty in looking at a man in the eyes while talking to him.
2. She may be lacking in conversational skills. She may be rather quiet, speaking in a low voice and not have very much to say. In this case, you will just have to pick up the slack and do most of the talking yourself.
3. If she has a nice figure, she may try to conceal it by wearing clothes that don't compliment her body.
4. Upon meeting her, she will act very nervous. She may tap her fingers on the top of the table or she may tap her feet. She might even bite her nails.
5. While talking, she may stutter quite frequently.
6. When you pay her a compliment, she blushes or does not agree with your compliment.

In conclusion, don't pass up an opportunity to attract or meet a shy woman. Once you break the ice and get them warmed up, they can make your night worthwhile.

{1) You dry up after starting a conversation. You can't think of anything interesting to say. What you should do is prepare yourself and have ideas ready. Before you even approach a girl you should have a whole array of subjects and activities in your mind and ready. Much suitable material is included in later chapters.

(2) You can't get girls to consider you as a lover, even though you can start a conversation and have no difficulty keeping it going. This is a very common problem. It is usually the result of being too timid in your actions and conversation. A bolder attitude should be introduced into your general manner, as early in a relationship as you can manage it. This is discussed at length later.